Hundreds of thousands of us died in the 1980s and '90s when hate, fear, greed, racism, and negligence intersected with a deadly virus. A lot of us felt then the way you do now—that it was over, that it was hopeless, that the coming out and the organizing and the fighting had been for nothing, and that everything we had won up to that point was meaningless. And then we got up off our butts and we showed them—we showed those motherfuckers—that the fight in us was greater than the
In Savage Love, concerned readers write in with questions about their dicks. Inquiries touch on small penis humiliation, potentially dangerous alternatives to lube, and consequences of constriction during ejaculation.
In this week's Savage Love, one reader is worried about carrying out his wife's forced-sex fantasy. And another reader, after a series of bad relationships and past traumas, is troubled by her current partner who wants her to give into his sexual demands, despite her explaining to him why they're no-gos for her.
In Savage Love this week, a happily-married woman worries if she's misleading someone on Second Life; a kinkster's mom reads her journal and condemns her, and more. Dan Savage attempts to keep it short and answer these questions in four words.
I'm a 24-year-old gay male with few resources and no "marketable" skills. I have made a lot of bad choices and now I struggle to make ends meet in a crappy dead-end job, living paycheck to paycheck in an expensive East Coast city. Recently, someone on Grindr offered me $3,000 to have sex with him. He is homely and nearly three times my age, but he seems kind and respectful. I could really use that money. I have no moral opposition to prostitution, but the few friends I've spoken to were
I'm a straight female in my mid 20s. I've been dating a wonderful guy for two years—but I recently found something that has put me on edge. Before we met, he was in a relationship with a terrible, alcoholic, and mentally unstable woman. They got pregnant early in the relationship and stayed together for about five years. We met a year after they broke up. I felt like I'd come to terms with the ugliness of his past, with his trying to stay in a bad relationship for the sake of his child and
A couple of months ago, I got candida (a fungal infection) under my foreskin. I went to the doctor, picked up some cream, and used the cream as directed. The infection went away for about a week and then returned. I got this idea that maybe the cream didn't work the first time because it's so naturally moist under the foreskin. So I used the cream a second time—but this time, after each application I would "air out" my penis, i.e., pull back the foreskin and leave the head exposed to the
I've always been a big believer in the common-sense obviousness that monogamy is hard. Additionally, I like the idea of my wife getting fucked. I don't have any desire to be denigrated or emasculated; I just get off on the idea of her being satisfied and a little transgressive. Early in our relationship, we talked about monogamish guidelines: I'd like to be informed and consulted, and she would rather I kept mine to myself. Last weekend we were having sex, and she asked me if I "wanted to hear a
I'm a hetero guy in need of advice. Back in college, I met this girl. Suffice it to say she was into me but I had some shit to work through. So we ended up being a missed connection, romantically. Despite that, we still became fast friends. I'm less awkward now, in large part because our friendship changed my life. We each married other people, and everything worked out great. Except I still love her. I think about her often, want to share things about my life with her, find myself wanting to
DEAR READERS: Two weeks ago, I announced I would be taking a nice long break from questions about miserable sexless marriages. (I don't get questions about happily sexless marriages.) I tossed out my standard line of advice to those who've exhausted medical, psychological, and situational fixes ("Do what you need to do to stay married and stay sane"), and I moved on to other relationship problems. Readers impacted by sexless marriages—men and women on "both sides of the bed"—wrote in
I am a straight, married, 38-year-old woman. My husband and I have two children. I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for six. Three years after we were married, we found out that he was HIV positive. We had both had multiple tests throughout our relationship because of physicals and the process we went through to get pregnant. Both of us were negative then, but only I am now. Needless to say, he was infected as a result of him cheating.
"Sudden onset, intermittent genital pain can be caused by a number of simple things, such as abrasions, an infection, an allergic reaction, buildup of smegma, dermatosis, etc.," Dr. Brotto and Dr. Huber continued. "Although these things are unlikely to be the cause of her pain, they're easy to rule out and treat, if necessary." ("Wait just a minute," I hear some of you crying. "Women don't have problems with smegma—that's just a dudes-with-foreskins* problem." Dr. Brotto responds: "Women
Are you an asshole? That can't be ruled out, TMI, but I can't make a determination with the limited data you've provided. One asshole move—and cheating on Mr. Two Months was definitely an asshole move—does not an asshole make. We know this because while everyone is guilty of the occasional asshole move, not everyone is an asshole. Assholes are made when asshole moves come one right after the other, and an ever-thickening layer of asshole moves hardens into total assholery.
My son, who is almost 30 years old, was married four years ago. He just shared with us that for the last three years, he and his wife have been practicing polyamory. They are committed to their relationship but have each had relationships with both men and women. We are trying to get our heads around this, as we come from a more traditional background (we've been married 40 years in a loving and respectful relationship), and we find ourselves feeling very sad. We are accepting and nonjudgmental,