Let the whining begin. Oh, wait, it already has.
I speak here, of course, about the Ravens' new autograph policy that will be in effect when training camp opens at McDaniel College this month.
As you might have heard, Ravens players will sign only for kids ages 6 through 15 from now on. And they'll sign only after morning practices.
Why are the Ravens doing this?
For one simple reason: to be mean.
Yep, apparently there was a big meeting of the Ravens brass: Dick Cass and Ozzie Newsome and John Harbaugh.
The topic was: How can we stick it to the fans?
And this is the policy they came up with.
OK, fine, we kid. And unless you're a complete dope, you realize the new autograph policy is being implemented for safety reasons.
"We have considered changing the way we do autograph signing for a few years," Cass, the team president, said in a statement. "Our crowds for the morning practices have become so large that we've had safety situations with people pushing each other to try and get closer to the players."
Oh, you bet they've had safety situations.
Anyone who has been out at camp knows how crazy it can get when big-name players like Ray Lewis and Ed Reed and Joe Flacco stop to sign after practice.
Crowds of wild-eyed, pen-waving fans surge forward, pushing and shoving and holding up jerseys and programs to be signed. Little kids sometimes get elbowed out of the way or hip-checked into the barriers.
I won't even tell you what happened to this one grandma I saw swept down the sideline one day as the crowd rushed to get Derrick Mason's autograph.
I think she ended up in Hagerstown.
So no wonder the team decided to change its autograph policy.
But to listen to some Ravens fans on sports-talk radio and Internet message boards, this the worst thing that has ever happened to them.
You would think the Ravens had just banned breathing at McDaniel.
Or were suddenly charging 10 bucks apiece for bottled water.
But all they're doing is trying to take action before someone gets hurt.
Look, adults who push and shove to get autographs at Ravens camp remind me of those guys in their 30s and 40s who show up at Orioles games with their baseball gloves.
You know the type. I'm talking about the knuckleheads who'll steamroller a little kid to catch a foul ball, just so they can wave the ball in the air and get attention.
It should be a law that if you're 17 or older and catch a foul ball, you have to immediately turn it over to some little kid sitting nearby. Or else everyone in your section gets to whack you upside the head with a rolled-up program.
And it should be a law that if an adult elbows a little kid out of the way to get a Ravens autograph at training camp, that mope has to go one-on-one with Michael Oher in blocking drills.
One thing that has always amazed me about some of the adult autograph seekers at Ravens camp is the sense of entitlement they project.
As the Ravens pointed out in Cass' statement, most of the players have to go lift weights or do core workouts after the morning practice. In other words, they're often not available to sign.
But that doesn't matter to some of the more, um, high-strung autograph seekers.
I remember seeing Joe Flacco sign for 15 minutes one hot day last year, only to be summoned by a PR person to do media interviews. The torrent of abuse he took from the crowd as he left was unbelievable.
"That's it, Joe! Won't even sign for the handicapped area!" one guy yelled, twisting the dagger in even further.
Anyway, under the new autograph policy, kids will have to get Ravens-issued wristbands to enter the autograph area. And they'll get these wristbands at a tent adjacent to the field.
Sure, that might strike some parents as being a little too Big Brother-ish for taste. Or maybe some parents will think that's too much of a hassle to undergo just so their little monsters can pick up an autograph.
But, again, consider exactly why the Ravens are doing it.
Yes, that's right. They're doing it just to be mean.
I guess the secret's out.
Listen to Kevin Cowherd on Tuesdays from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. with Jerry Coleman on Fox 1370 AM Sports.
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