A lot of folks complain, rightfully so, that when it comes to covering news or taking the pulse of the nation, members of the media think of states between the two coasts as no man's land.
Well, when it comes to the outdoors, the hook-and-bullet press treats the Northeast Corridor and the Left Coast like dead zones.
How else to explain Outdoor Life magazine's third annual, "America's Top 20 Towns for Sportsmen."
Someone had a thumb on the scale. Not a single community on either coast made the Top 20. The first acknowledgement that the country has more than just a middle comes at No. 37, where our own Easton makes an appearance.
Here is how the Park Avenue editors compiled the list:
"Our rankings are based on the performance of hundreds of towns in various socio-economic and outdoors-related categories. Socio-economic subcategories, which make up 40 percent of the overall score, include population percent growth since 2000, median household income, median home value, cost of living, unemployment rate, population density, mean commute time and amenities. Outdoors-related subcategories, which combine to account for 60 percent of the overall score, include the gun-friendliness of each town's state, huntable and fishable species nearby, proximity to public land and waters, and the potential for taking a trophy-caliber animal or fish nearby."
Using that mumbo-jumbo, Maryland's only other listing, Deale, tied with Scottsbluff, Neb.--NEBRASKA?!?!--for 175th place overall.
Seriously. Deale is tied with a community rated last year by Quality Health website as the seventh fattest city in America. Guess residents don't get outside much. More space for the rest of us.
Of course, compared to last year's list, when Maryland had just one ranked community — Cumberland (No. 195) — this is a vast improvement. Eat your hearts out, Virginia and Pennsylvania, with your measly one town each.
From Easton, a reader has to slide down 22 spots before finding another East Coast town in Seneca, S.C., and then drop another 23 spots to reach Erie, Pa., at No. 82.
By the way, it's hard to believe Erie is better than, say, Cumberland or Cambridge or Tilghman Island. As a matter of fact, it's hard to believe Erie (Motto: Feel the Lake Effect) is the best Pennsylvania has to offer. If I'm Allentown, I'm steamed.
The overall winner is Rapid City, S.D.; followed by Pocatello, Idaho; Page, Ariz.; Lewiston, Idaho; and Kanab, Utah.
Now I've been to numbers 1, 3 and 5. Stayed overnight. Recreated. Ate. Spent money.
My 40th birthday celebration was in Rapid City, where my husband treated me to dinner at "Windows on Dakota," the town's fanciest eatery atop a bank that soared, maybe, eight stories above the pavement. When it got dark, so did the view. It was like being in a Best Buy TV department after hours.
We were served by an ex-drug addict, who told us his life story. Except the Big Lebowski and us, the place was empty by 8.
Outdoor Life says that in addition to low unemployment, Rapid City offers, "more bang for your buck," in this case meaning money, not deer.
But as the Sundance Kid said to Butch Cassidy while standing in an impoverished Bolivian train station: "What could they have here that you could possibly want to buy?"
Turn the page on Page, too. Very pretty countryside and the awe-inspiring Lake Powell. But it's just a brown smear of a town, with a big, honking coal-fired power plant on the outskirts and only one decent restaurant. On the plus side, they don't complain when you air dry laundry off your motel balcony.
Here's what you need to know about Kanab: The town was dubbed "Little Hollywood" back in the 1940s, when John Wayne roamed the earth and made Westerns there. It has lots of pretty red rock formations, just like the rest of the region. There's nothing to see here. Move along.
In short—and at 5-feet-nothing, I am that—these rankings are a joke. Want further proof?
Nothing on the Eastern Shore cracked the top 15 for waterfowl hunting. But Easton, according to Outdoor Life, is Maryland's "Whitetail Wondertown," coming in at No. 18 of 20 deer hot spots.
In fact, in Maryland's best showing among the many outdoors categories, from bass fishing to kid-friendly towns, Deale finished fourth in the "Go Coastal" category. But here's the introduction to that list: "If salty air, sandy beaches and killer saltwater fishing are what you seek, give these 15 towns a look."
Now, I love Deale's Happy Harbor. I took my first Maryland charter boat ride more than a decade ago aboard Capt. Kerry Muse's boat. The captains, from Brian Keehn to Alex Williams, are among my favorites. The beer is cold and the parking is good.
But salty air and sandy beaches? Hello, Park Avenue, you've been disconnected.