Catonsville's Ryan Blake ate six crayons after the Ravens lost Monday. But why?
Fans cope with misery in different ways. In the case of the 1-6 Ravens, some have grappled with failure by blasting anyone not named Steve Smith Sr. Others have turned their focus to mock NFL drafts. And, as documented in the video above, at least one ate a half-dozen sticks of colored wax. This question-and-answer seeks to explain why.
He did what?
Ate six purple crayons Tuesday, the day after the Ravens lost to the Arizona Cardinals.
He does not at any point in the video look contented. Here's what he told the Baltimore Beatdown Podcast: "They were pretty solid, so when you bite into them and chew them, they didn't really come together. They just kind of broke up into a lot of smaller pieces. It just tasted like wax and paper. It definitely wasn't appetizing."
Not even the Old Bay-crayon combo?
No, he seemed to like that. Probably because the meal ended up more Old Bay than purple crayon, and because he is from Baltimore, such a preference is his birthright.
If you're stridently against crayon consumption, root for the Ravens on Sunday against the San Diego Chargers. If you want to see a man test the limits of his gastrointestinal fortitude with nontoxic Crayola products — and, sure, the Ravens better positioned for a higher draft pick — root for Philip Rivers and the Chargers. In a San Diego win, every touchdown pass he throws means three more crayons down Blake's gullet.
What does this episode reveal about the damaged psyche of the Ravens fan base?
The floor is yours, Ryan: "Now that we're in such bad shape," he said later in the Section 336 podcast, "the fans are kind of going crazy."
I thought so, too.
Now, crayons are supposed to have a mild laxative effect, but I'm not going to ask how this has affected his trips to the bathroom.
We at The Baltimore Sun appreciate your discretion.