I tried cupping because Michael Phelps did it before the Rio 2016 Olympics

I'll try just about anything.* I've got Dead Sea scrubs in my closet, Chia seeds in my cupboard and enough Palo Santo wood in the living room to start a campfire.

So when I read in Childs Walker's profile of Michael Phelps that the world's greatest swimmer has incorporated cupping into his post-rehab, pre-Rio lifestyle, my first thought was, "I gotta try this."

I mentioned my newfound interest in cupping over pizza with a friend of mine, an acupuncturist named Gena. As luck would have it, Gena told me she performs the ancient ritual of cupping, in addition to standard acupuncture. And she takes insurance. I was sold. So a few days later, I made my way up to Woodberry Wellness, where Gena, true friend that she is, cupped the crap out of my back.

Who wore it better, me or Michael Phelps?

Afterwards, people had some questions.

Did it hurt?

No! It felt great. It's like getting a knot in your back massaged out. It literally felt like she was sucking the knots out with a vacuum cleaner.

Do I feel detoxed?

Idk, maybe? I've been drinking a lot of water? Cupping is also supposed to help improve blood flow. I think I'll need to get back to you on that.

Would I do it again?

Yes! Especially if my insurance company approves my claim.

Did it leave a mark?

Obvi! Michael Phelps and his training partners like to compare who has the worst bruises. Gena told me that the darker the bruise, the more toxins come out. Now let me say, I have some dark bruises. I couldn't beat Phelps at swimming, but I bet I could beat him at bruises.


(Gena said they'll hopefully be gone within a week, which is a good thing, because I have a wedding to go to and I look like I was attacked by an octopus.)

*Except Crossfit. Never Crossfit.

Recommended on Baltimore Sun