For as long as he's playing in the NFL, there should be a seminar available through the league's rookie orientation program on "How to Deal with Steve Smith Sr."
Maybe there is, and some first-year players this offseason just thought that after they were briefed on how to avoid sexually transmitted diseases and maintain a good credit score, they'd had enough. Wrong. Dealing with Steve Smith Sr. is not something you can wing, like jazz or Donald Trump's presidential campaign. You need professional help.
Case in point: Jacksonville Jaguars defensive back Jalen Ramsey and Dallas Cowboys defensive back Anthony Brown. Both are rookies. Both had adverse reactions to the NFL's oldest wide receiver. ("Typical millennials," you're probably thinking right now.)
In Week 3, Smith and Ramsey, the No. 5 overall draft pick, occasionally lined up across from each other in the Ravens' 19-17 road win, at one point getting in a scuffle. Smith had eight catches for 87 yards. Ramsey had fightin' words.
"Come up to me with some disrespectful stuff. The game over with," Ramsey told reporters. "You still mad because I was locking you up? All right. Go sleep on that. I ain't trying to hear that after the game."
"It is what it is," he added. "As a player, he's still a good player. I'll say that about him. But I don't respect him as a man."
Smith fired back on Twitter, then in an ESPN Radio appearance. He said Ramsey had the "sassiest head nodding" he'd seen in professional football, which is absolutely the kind of insult I want in my 21st-century NFL beefs.
But the season moved on, people forgot about the episode, and Smith went on being an old baller, missing some games, dominating others. Then Sunday came, and Smith Rodney Dangerfield-ed another rookie.
Late in the Ravens' 27-17 loss to the Cowboys on Sunday, Smith got mixed up with Dallas safety Byron Jones. Jones' leg fell on Smith's helmet as they were tumbling to the ground. Smith did not think much of this, acted on his anger and was penalized 15 yards for unnecessary roughness.
That might have been the final straw for the Cowboys' Brown, whom Smith beat with an inside move for his fourth-quarter touchdown.
"I had respect for him before the game, but after the game, I have no respect for him anymore," Brown said, according to the Dallas Morning News. "He's a real character, and I actually saw it for myself [Sunday]. I don't got nothing to say about Steve Smith."
Brown, a sixth-round pick out of Purdue, then continued with his something to say about Steve Smith.
"Coming into the game, they already told me what kind of player he was," he said. "But until you see it for yourself, then you're just, 'Calm down,' but it's hard because he keeps yapping after every play. It's kind of hard."
While the Ravens aren't great, Smith's career is, and he seems to know it. It's like he's picking on players whose careers aren't his size. When Ramsey went public with his grievances, Smith clapped back with what amounts to: "Talk to the hand ... of the guy in Canton designing my Hall of Fame bust."
What would he do after Brown's beefing?
I told you already: This would've been covered in the seminar.