This week my son tried to persuade me to purchase a particular teen-rated game. Chief among its selling points, he explained, was that it won such awards as Game of the Year and a Golden Joystick.
In the past, the answer was always categorically "No" whenever he showed any interest in teen-rated games. But this year he started middle school and now that he is 11, I feel I need to start to consider these games on a case-by-case basis, just as I have allowed him to watch PG-13 movies that I believe have redeeming qualities and messages that he can handle.
So this time, instead of just flat out rejecting his request (which my instincts told me I would wind up doing in the end, anyway), I went online and investigated the game with him by my side.
We went to the Entertainment Software Rating Board and the description alone was disturbing. I am typically opposed to games with a lot of violence and this one had plenty of graphic depictions of physical conflict and a cast of bad guys I found to be particularly sinister.
So the answer was definitely no.
The next question was would he be allowed to play violent teen-rated games when he is 13?
This prompted a deeper discussion about how he wants to spend his free time.
In the wake of the 10th anniversary of 9/11, I told him I had serious concerns about him devoting so much time and attention on conflict and violence as a source of entertainment.
I asked him to give some serious thought about whether he believes playing these kinds of games is ultimately going to help him grow into the person he wants to be.
I tried not to make him feel like he was wrong to ask me for a teen-rated game. After all, pushing limits is a big part of growing up and he was just doing what kids do.
He agreed that I made some good points, but he also articulated rather clearly that he thought I was rather naive and expressed the age-old argument all the other kids are doing this and more.
I admitted that I do want to focus on the good in human nature and believe that whatever we place our attention on becomes larger. If we are focused on the negative, that leaves less space for all the good things in life to take root and flower.
I asked him to think about what he wants, ultimately, in his life — I know it's a big concept to wrap his head around at only 11.
Even as adults, we are not always clear about how best to spend our own time.
We didn't really come to any agreement, in the end. Thinking I made some headway after all of my discourse, I asked him, "So, if I said , 'OK, I changed my mind — Yes, you can get the game' would you?"
"I would go out and buy it today," was his immediate reply.
So we agreed to disagree.
He's still not getting the game and isn't happy about it.
But I allowed him to express himself and listened to everything he had to say.
That was something we could both feel good about.