Letting go of my worries, enjoying the ride

When I went on a day trip to a women's retreat through Christ Fellowship Church, several of the women joked that my experience – especially with the ropes course – would soon end up in The Aegis.

I have patiently waited a month for my turn in the column rotation before proving them right.

I was initially nervous about going to the women's retreat. This may come as a surprise because I am a reporter but in reality, I'm quite shy. I was planning on chickening out of even the day trip part, but every excuse I made up to not go fell through.

In the end, however, I'm really glad I went and am looking forward to the next one. It was a great Saturday when I was able to learn more about the amazing women at our church and about myself as well.

I'm a bit of a control freak and I'm learning that that needs to change. Strangely enough, I realized this in the middle of the ropes course.

In hindsight, I realize that it wasn't that bad and I wasn't in any danger. Of course, I write this with the added knowledge that what I thought was a hundred feet in the air was really only 30 to 40 feet high.

It feels higher when you're up there, I promise.

The course started with a zip line, which I hesitated on, but ultimately really enjoyed. Then came the hard part, even though I only completed the easy side of the course.

That side included swinging over a 7-foot gap, balancing on a suspended log and using hanging ropes to inch along a thin cable. I know for you adrenaline junkies it seems like a walk in the park, literally, but for me it was terrifying.

I did learn something, though. I was most at ease when I was on the zip line even though it peaked much higher than the ropes course, with one of the platforms 60 feet up in a tree.

What calmed me was that I wasn't in control. I was harnessed up, securely attached to the cable and once I was on the zip line I couldn't do anything about it anyway so I might as well enjoy it.

That changed with the obstacle course. Even though I was still harnessed, I felt I had some semblance of control. I could easily miss a step and slip off one of the obstacles. I knew I would be fine with the harness but I panicked nonetheless.

It may seem silly but I ended up comparing the whole experience to my life. I worry the most when I feel like I am losing control or could mess up. The funny thing is that I'm not in control, even when I think I am.

I think I need to remember that more often. Life is so much easier when I give all of my worries to God. I don't have to freak out about taking a wrong step or slipping over the edge because He is there.

I do know that this is much, much easier said than done. Trust me, I've been trying to put it to the test since that ropes course. Some days it works and yet there are still days when I'm up until 1 a.m., staring at the ceiling and worrying about tomorrow.

But in those times I am learning to thank God still, simply because I have a tomorrow. I have a today, too, and it's amazing. In this season of change when the leaves turn to orange and fall from the sky, I have the freedom to sit in my backyard and stare at the sky, delighting in His creation.

And on the days when all I can do is focus on my troubles and fret about the next obstacle coming my way, I still have John, who can put it all into perspective for me. I thank God for him, too.