USF football deserves better consideration

The Bulls got mad last week and carnage ensued.

Now things could really get ugly.


This time it's not just one sports writer who's trifling with USF. It's a whole bunch of them, along with some disbelieving football coaches.

USF is No. 1 in the initial BCS composite computer poll, but No. 3 in the two voting polls. The Bulls' problem is human polls control two-thirds of the equation that decides the BCS championship matchup. And most humans think South Florida is where Cuban exiles wash ashore.


Let me assure them, only exiles with 2,400 on their SAT can get into USF. Its academics make Oxford look like Faber College. Its football team would crush the Patriots.

And yes, I'm sucking up.

A few USFers were apparently upset last week when I traipsed around campus in a UCF getup. What really set them off was the photo of me riding their bull statue. It probably didn't help that I had UCF flags sticking out of my head.

Long story short -- Jim Leavitt used the photo to fire up his team. The Bulls squeaked out a victory over UCF. Fans chanted for my head after the game.

Even my sister was yelling because my nephew plays for UCF and caught a lot of grief. If she invites me to Christmas dinner this year, I've been warned to bring a food-taster.

Honestly, I just wanted to see if USF fans really have taken to football. It turns out they can be as satirically challenged as SEC fans, who think any ribbing is grounds for dismemberment.

So just to be clear: USF's graduation rate is not 0.00 percent. Mother Teresa did not go to UCF. But I am a doofus. And without me the Bulls might have won by just 51 points.

I'd like to make amends by offering my services the rest of the season. USF might need them.


The Bulls have become a real menace to the college football establishment. That doesn't mean diddly to computers. But some voters still think USF is as legit as Al Gore's Nobel Prize.

How else could they rank Boston College ahead of USF? BC's last four wins are over Army, Massachusetts, Bowling Green and the uniforms formerly known as Notre Dame.

Even if the Eagles lose, some voters are itching to jump once-beaten LSU or Oklahoma over the Bulls.


USF winning a national championship is one of the seven signs of the Apocalypse. And other schools also have history, big-name recruits and coaches who make $3 million a year.

USF has Gallagher.


He's a comedian with a perfect SAT whose act consisted of smashing watermelons. I'd make a joke, but I've learned my lesson.

It all comes down to identity. The mystery Bulls don't just have to win every game; they'll have to do it impeccably.

"Anything to keep the thought that LSU might be more deserving out of voters' heads," said Jerry Palm, who tracks voting at

Few things would be more fun than watching USF crash the haughty BCS Ball, so I'm officially jumping on the Bullwagon.

If it will help fire up the boys, I'll dress up in Rutgers gear before Thursday night's game and sit on the bull. After that, I'm willing to pose as a Bearcat, a Cardinal, an Orange and a Panther.

And if the Bulls get to the BCS title game, I won't even ask for a championship ring.


I'll settle for being able to eat Christmas dinner in peace.