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Hey, UMMS: Do I have a book deal for you!

Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh says she paid taxes on all sales of her “Healthy Holly” books.

The book deal set up with Mayor Catherine Pugh gets sweeter and sweeter every day. How many authors are paid for the books they write before they are finished or delivered or even seen (“In search of Healthy Holly,” March 22)? I would like to get in touch with the person who set up her contract at the University of Maryland Medical System, as I am currently writing a book, “Senior Sedentary Stashue,” about a man who sits silently watching TV and drinking beer.

My first delivery will be 20,000 copies like the mayor’s deal, but I am only charging $4 a book. The book will spread the message about how seniors need to get up and exercise and will be followed by my second book, “Sexy Stashue on Steroids,” about how the title character works out at the gym and gets slim. I would like to give the UMMS guy my home address, which is my company’s headquarters, Stas LLC, to send my first check for $80,000. I would be willing to rent a storage unit to warehouse the books, like the school system is doing for “Healthy Holly.”

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Now I need to get back to writing and working on my third book. I have no idea what it's about, so I can give them an even better deal on it — only $3 a copy! I’ll be waiting for my check.

Stas. Chrzanowski, Baltimore

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