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Readers Respond

Hey Jeff Bezos: Wanna buy the O's?

For the last few spring trainings the Orioles have arrived at Birdland south, aka Sarasota, Fla., looking like a team right on the cusp of being in contention. However, each season is met with the realization that a few key pieces are missing. The reason those pieces are missing? Money.

Whether it's lackluster sales of Natty Bohs on game day, Boog Powell getting way to good a deal for that prime real estate on Eutaw Street or excessive and maybe even questionable contract offers, the O's fall short.

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Do not despair, my fellow Orioles faithful, for a solution may be just a short drive down the Parkway (or I-95 depending on traffic) in the form of the wizard of distribution himself, Jeff Bezos. After the recent acquisition of Whole Foods Market, it appears Jeff is in the buying mood.

First, Jeff would have to ensure that the river of cash flow doesn't dry up, so I'm liking the sound of: Amazon Prime Park at Camden Yards at Whole Foods Field. Sure it's a mouthful, but a delicious Whole Foods hot-bar mouthful nonetheless.

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Next comes the saddest part, in my opinion: changing the team's name. In keeping with the theme of a mascot capable of flight, the most obvious decision would be an orange and black delivery drone. The good news here being that we keep our current colors. The Baltimore Drones? Perhaps the Deliverers? Or maybe the Baltimore Saving Your Butt with Quick Delivery on That Last Minute Holiday Gifters? Still ironing this part out.

This theme of flight wouldn't stop at the new name; in fact drones would deliver food, beverages, programs, and even fidget spinners right to your seat. Sure, drones in a stadium where balls are constantly flying in and out of play sounds dangerous and down right idiotic, but who doesn't want to exact revenge on the 1996 Yankees? That drone will be named Tony, of course (in honor of Tony Tarasco).

But as I sit here and think about the what ifs, the O's are 7 games back of first place in the AL East, and only 5.5 back of the AL wildcard. Even after a dismal May/June in the toughest division in baseball, the O's still have some life in them. If the bullpen can pick it up and the bats begin to get hot, never count out a little Orioles magic to take us to the playoffs.

Alex Mihalovic

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