After being bombarded this past week with what many folks thought about the "Baltimore Mom," I'm here to save some folks some real serious embarrassment.
In this day and time, it seems that many people operate with the mentality that "if they can do it, then so can I." Let me warn you right now: Stay in your lane! You might be envious of the praise Toya Graham is receiving, but you have no idea of the foundation of love that has been laid in her relationship with her son. Her son knows he is loved! His mother has been there for him, nurtured, encouraged and absolutely disciplined as needed. She is a mother and has been mothering the best she knows how under circumstances that many have never, ever experienced, and his response reflected as much.
Now, let me just say "everything ain't for everybody," so, if this is not who you are, then no need to troll me or make your case or give me your opinion, just move on. But, if you know I'm describing you below, pay attention.
We all know that having biological children does not necessarily make you a mother or father, because those titles should be reserved for those "who put in the work." If you did not put in the work, then don't make the mistake of thinking it doesn't matter. Trust me, it matters very much. If you think you can step into a child's life (without having earned the proper "parenting credentials") and respond as Ms. Graham did, that situation is probably gonna go all kinds of sideways — real bad, real fast.
Again, if you are not raising or raised your children with a foundation of love, tempered with whatever appropriate discipline is/was needed, you don't get to handle situations the same way. To be a mother and father means you gotta put in the work, all day, every day.
So, if you haven't been in that lane up til now, don't let CNN, MSNBC, Facebook, etc. encourage you to drive in it trying to get five minutes of fame or be the next Ms. Graham, because you may be cruisin' for a bruisin' and create a situation for your child where you'll both end up losin'.
Mother of a black son,
Kathy Lovett, Waldorf