When I was sent the link to a Baltimore Sun article about four local girls making the U.S. national Under-19 lacrosse team, I was eager to read it. After all, I had played on that same team 16 years ago, and one of my own students is on the team. So I opened the link, read the first sentence, and immediately felt like someone had just hit me in the stomach with a lacrosse ball going 60 mph. It read like this:
"During tryouts last summer, not one of the four local girls on the U.S. national Under-19 lacrosse team figured she had a chance to make the team."
What? How could this be? Not one of them thought she could do it? Not even a chance? As a woman, former athlete, graduate of an all-girls' school, teacher at an all-girls' school, and mother of two daughters, I couldn't believe my eyes. How could this part of the story not only be true, but be so important that it's the opening line? Is the confidence of a group of girls this talented and hard working really that low?
I began to wonder.
Women's lack of confidence, particularly white women, is being discussed by many prominent thinkers and leaders right now. In an Atlantic article, titled The Confidence Gap, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman discuss the findings that women consistently underestimate their ability and performance, eventually holding them back professionally. Amy Cuddy at Harvard Business School has researched how people, especially women, can use their body language to improve their confidence and performance. In the book "Lean In," Sheryl Sandberg encourages women everywhere to have the confidence to "sit at the table."
There is no single, clean answer that explains why these confidence differences exist or precisely what women can do to remedy them. But there are some clues in the Sun article itself.
There was one player, Andie Aldave, who was admitted to tryouts late because another player couldn't make it. She knew she was on the bottom of the pack, so I can better understand her lack of confidence. So what was it that gave her hope that she could make the team after considering declining the invitation to try out? In short, her father. She quotes him in the article as telling her to, "'Give it a shot. You never know.'"
Later in the article Coach Kim Simons Tortolani describes all 18 players as "unselfish," which we typically think of as a positive quality, but only up to a point. Ms. Tortolani continued by saying that some will have to be a bit more "selfish" in order to win.
Why is it that the players on the best team in the country, and likely the world, are passing up opportunities to score goals? I think part of the answer is that they are afraid of being labeled. For the girls on this team, the undesirable label would be "selfish" or "ball hog." For women trying to lead — score goals — in professional settings, the label they fear is far more cutting.
So what is it going to take to get these athletes to put the ball in the net and not wait for someone else to do it? The answer is quite a lot.
They will need the courage to be bold and shoot the ball when they have the chance and the vision to the pass when someone else is open. They will need the confidence to know they are capable of winning and the humility to recognize the strengths of their opponents. They will need their family members and fans cheering them on from the sidelines.
Last week I began working on my doctorate in educational leadership at the University of Pennsylvania. When I considered applying to the program six months ago, I didn't think I had much of a chance of getting in. But then I thought about my female brain's tendency to underestimate myself and decided to apply. I also had my husband, father, mother, mother-in-law, siblings, boss and colleagues telling me I could do it. They were right, and my doubts were wrong.
I am not sure women will ever be able to eliminate the thoughts of doubt that exist in our minds, or if we would even want to, but we can learn to control how much power they have over us and how they influence our choices.
At the end of the Sun article, Brindi Griffin proudly declares, "We know we can do it. If we go over there and work hard, we can win." I'm glad she's realized how wrong she was last summer, how right she is now, and how capable she really is. And I hope she remembers that long after she's done playing lacrosse.
Go Team USA. You can do it.
Kelsey Twist Schroeder is the upper school dean of students at Roland Park Country School. Her email is SchroederK@rpcs.org.