Since there have been parents and kids, each generation has struggled to understand the other. To me, it appears that children today are much less accountable and have fewer responsibilities than I did growing up. One of our kids is an over-achieving, motivated 17-year-old girl. All of her classes are advanced, and she is in more clubs and sports than I can keep track of. She is a self-starter and works hard to keep up an impressive GPA, yet she still can't make the bus to school. She's running late nearly every morning.
In my world, I would make her walk the two miles to school and take whatever consequences are associated with missing the bus — walking and getting to school late. In my wife's world, however, she gets driven to school every time she misses the bus. Well, we live in my wife's world not mine. So, the result is that she skips the bus and then gets driven to school, frequently stopping at Starbucks along the way. I cannot over-emphasize how much this drives me straight up the crazy tree.
We had dinner with some family friends the other day. I was talking to the husband, who is from Tanzania, about our teenager's school transport issues. He was looking at me in a way that let me know he did not fully relate to our domestic dilemma. He then told me about his morning ritual when he was a boy in Tanzania. His school day began at 4 a.m., at which time he would make a fire and cook up some porridge if the family had any to make that day. More often than not, he would go hungry. There was no running water, no electricity, and none of comforts that most Americans take for granted. He did not have a sweater or a coat or decent shoes for most of the time he attended school. He started his daily 10-mile journey (that's a real number, not hyperbole) around 4:35 a.m. so he could get to the school early enough to complete janitorial duties, which were performed by students before the start of each school day. In Tanzania, as in most African countries, education is a privilege and never taken for granted, so the children did what they needed to do to earn that privilege.
My friend said he didn't just walk to school in the dark but walked to school in the dark among wild animals that could very easily devour him and his classmates. He reported that on more than one occasion, a child in his village attempted to make the trek to school alone and was killed by a wild animal. There was no school bus, no rides from Mom and certainly no trips to Starbucks along the way. I'm sure my face showed him that I could barely comprehend what he was telling me. I can't even begin to imagine how terrifying it would be to walk to school in the dark with wild animals on the prowl, and how difficult a decision it would be for parents to allow their children to take that risk in an effort to earn an education.
This reflection from his childhood brought into sharp focus how fortunate most of us are in the United States. His childhood memories made me think how detrimentally indulgent I had become with our child. My wife and I are not doing her any favors by allowing her to constantly miss a deadline with no real consequences.
The world in which children get up at 4 a.m., walk to school with lions and hyenas, and perform janitorial duties — including cleaning the toilets — prior to school starting will never be my child's world. And I'm very thankful for this fact; however, there are important lessons to be learned in not having everything come easily and being held accountable for one's actions. We live in a generation of helicopter parents where everyone is a winner and nothing is your fault. I think this philosophy is wrong and unhealthy, not only for my kids but for this younger generation.
Our daughter will be taking the bus from this point forward, and if she misses it, she'll have to walk the two miles to school. If this happens even once, I bet she'll set her alarm clock earlier the next day. She may get mad at us and think it unfair "punishment," and she may get blisters or be attacked by an insect or two, but nothing more. The much greater benefit is accountability.
James T. Sarazin is a business owner and resident of Howard County. His email is jsarazin@sandkgroup.net.