I judge you when you judge people who use poor grammar.
I judge you when you pronounce the t in often.
I judge you when you make caramel a two-syllable word.
I judge you when you spell judgement and you are not British.
I judge you when you think there/their/they're is a big thing.
I judge you when you wear brown shoes with a blue suit.
I judge you when you call a trilby a fedora.
I judge you when you wear a baseball cap at table.
I judge you when you wear a baseball cap back to front.
I judge you when you wear a baseball cap at all. You are not a baseball player.
I judge you when you order a light beer.
I judge you more strenuously when it is a lite beer.
I judge you when you order some confection called a martini that has neither gin nor vermouth.
I judge you when you use Red Bull in a drink. Or by itself.
I judge you when you mix single malt with ginger ale.
I judge you when you read a Dan Brown novel.
I judge you when your verse doesn't scan.
I judge you when you let a "So-and-so is not alone" transition get published.
All my judgments are final, and I have life tenure.