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I judge you when you judge people who use poor grammar.

I judge you when you pronounce the t in often.

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I judge you when you make caramel a two-syllable word.

I judge you when you spell judgement and you are not British.

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I judge you when you think there/their/they're is a big thing.

I judge you when you wear brown shoes with a blue suit.

I judge you when you call a trilby a fedora.

I judge you when you wear a baseball cap at table.

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I judge you when you wear a baseball cap back to front.

I judge you when you wear a baseball cap at all. You are not a baseball player.

I judge you when you order a light beer.

I judge you more strenuously when it is a lite beer.

I judge you when you order some confection called a martini that has neither gin nor vermouth.

I judge you when you use Red Bull in a drink. Or by itself.

I judge you when you mix single malt with ginger ale.

I judge you when you read a Dan Brown novel.

I judge you when your verse doesn't scan.

I judge you when you let a "So-and-so is not alone" transition get published.

All my judgments are final, and I have life tenure.

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