*Mr. Chivers opens his article with a little joke about the adherence of The Times to "the grand global socialist conspiracy of which I am myself a minor but loyal proponent. All hail Gramsci! Nate Silver the Math Witch, bless us with your communist number-magic!" Unsurprisingly, some people have written comments taking him seriously. To spare you, dear people, the strain of running the gantlet of our comments function, I will stipulate that I have been previously accused of being either a sleeper agent or dupe of the socialist Kenyan Muslim Communist crypto-fascist United Nation conspiracy to destroy the Constitution and extinguish all our freedoms, for which I am paid in Soviet gold.