Holiday greetings from good ole Crabtown

“Christmas Street” in the Hampden neighborhood of Baltimore.
“Christmas Street” in the Hampden neighborhood of Baltimore.

‘Tis the season to be jolly,

Deck the halls with Healthy Holly.


Here’s to me and here’s to thee,

Here’s to mayors corruption-free.

‘Tis the season to be merry,

On my list: Electric ferry!

Powered by sun, across the bay,

With no third span, a greener way.

As for you, Governor Hogan,

Santa brings a brand new slogan:


“Don’t drive here, don’t drive there,

Take mass transit everywhere.”

With more regrets to Dr. Seuss,

In lieu of serving duck or goose,

Here’s a Who’s Who of Bawlmerville,

“Names is news” — you know the drill.


Stan The Fan and Ronnie Stanley,

T.J. Smith and others manly.

Anthony — they call him Melo.

Richard Sher, Jamie Costello.

Glass of wine, a loaf of challah,

Just for you, Mary Bubala.

Send a fruitcake, one that’s moister,

To Jasmine Norton of Urban Oyster.

Pelosi, Sarbanes, Dutch and Harris,

Former guvs O’Malley and Parris.

Elijah Cummings, a statesman gone.

A legacy rich to build upon.

As for Nancy, Baltimore raised,

Strong and sure, thus far unfazed.

Nemesis she of Donald T.

A chip off the ol’ Tommy D.

Greetings to all good friendly folk:

Mindy Basara, Denise Koch.

To Max The Girl and Shale Stiller,

Tiny Tim Tooten and Jayne Miller.

For Steve Bisciotti, one smart cookie.

Here’s to drafting another good rookie.

God be praised for Ozzie Newsome,

‘Twas too bad we had to lose him.

Our Lamar is not so heady.

He’s fast, slick and hardly sweaty.

Let Super Bowl a new year ring,

For MVP some well-earned bling.

For Under Armour and Kevin Plank,

Let’s raise a Boh that they don’t tank.

Were I Kev, I’d take quick action,

Waste no time in signing Jackson.

Toast with beer or toast with mead,

Toast to Ravens and Willie Snead.

Unsung hero, 83

Needs more passes ‘neath his tree.

For the Birds, a resurrection,

Not a fan-based insurrection.

Here’s to more great anthem singers

Here’s to more Chris Davis dingers.

Imbibe imbibables, sweet or dry,

Boordy wines and Sagamore rye.

Share more edibles and local bakes,

Berger cookies and Muhly’s cakes.

Here’s to those who stock the shelves

H-Mart, Giant, Aldi’s elves.

Send them wreaths and jars of jelly,

Send them thanks for pre-sliced deli.

For Mayor Young and all execs,

A way to write those Kirwan checks.

For Guv Hogan and other nays,

Give teachers their long-sought raise.

Chris Van Hollen and Ben Cardin,

In the Senate, red hearts harden.

Ignore tweets, ignore the fury.

Impeachment looms, thou the jury.

Siriano or Cromartie,

Dress in style 'n' dress to party.

If timeless-hip is more in line,

Hampden, Canton and Cloud 9.

Big-hair hons 'n' holiday lights,

Rowhouse rooftops 'n' valley sites.

From Clipper Mill to Forest Park,

Send tidings glad and chocolate bark.

Once he reaches good ol’ Crabtown,

Should Santa scoff at the chimney down,

Show him the door, hand him a house key.

Offer him tea with Freeman Hrabowski!

That’s all I’ve got, I’ve gotta go,

They’re calling for an inch of snow.

But don’t freak out, don’t be frightened.

In 2020, our hearts will lighten.

I raise a glass of local brew,

To toast good health to all of you.

With this pledge for all to hear:

No more poetry ‘til next year.