I should have been a pundit. Defined, a "pundit" is someone who offers to the mass-media his or her opinion or commentary on a particular subject area on which they are knowledgeable.

When I walked out of my last evaluation with an above-average score, I felt secure in my position. Little did I know that "employment at will" means you can be terminated for any reason or no reason. If you are black, Mexican, overweight, underweight, too ugly, too pretty or you blow the whistle, you can be fired on the spot. They just can't say specifically that you were fired for those reasons. Two days after my review, I was terminated. I should have been a pundit.

A pundit can embarrass his party and make misstatements and his job is safe. And he gets paid well with great benefits. He gets to be a snappy dresser with gym memberships, too. Golden parachutes instead of lead balloons.

Actually, you really don't have to really be knowledgeable, you just have to have people listen. You can run for public office and win. It doesn't matter if you have experience, you could be say….a wrestler and run for political office. As a pundit you don't need to be the sharpest tack in the box. I'm just saying….

You can say things like, I stand in Alaska and wave to the people in Russia. How large would your hands need to be in order to be seen by the Russians? Something like Mickey Mouse on steroids.

It's true, well it's not a lie. It's just an untruth. The pundits tell me there's a difference, so it must be so.

As a pundit, you can be specific. If you don't close your eyes, it means you didn't sleep with someone. And, that was the question that we asked. Right?

A pundit can be a racist drug addict. These things do not affect one's intelligence or opinion. Things said under the influence can be equally gripping as things said sober. I have oftentimes watched men in the park ponder the esoteric meaning of life between nods.

There are religious pundits also. Sometimes the "baling" causes you to close your eyes , not sure why they would want your eyes closed.

Pundits wear expensive designer clothes, straight from GQ. Appearance is everything to a pundit, they just couldn't ride into town on a borrowed donkey or in an American car.

A pundit can be forgiven. If you commit a crime, the president can pardon you. I have seen people arrested for traffic spend more time in jail. But then, they were not pundits.

Pundits always get bail and time to set their affairs in order before they serve their sentence. Time to give all your money to your wife and kids before it's seized. Someone said they threw Bubba in jail before he had a chance to hook up the system and play "Grand Theft." No video games in Jessup.

If you are a pundit and you go to jail for a while, you can use the time to catch up on your reading and golf game.

Pundits are invisible and hard to find. It takes years to find someone stealing billions of dollars. Try being late on your tax payment or student loan and see how fast they find you, your family and your job.

I want to be a pundit when I grow up!

I'm sure there is a downside to being a pundit. All those buzzwords you have to learn, big salaries, designer clothes, cameras always clicking, places to go and people to see.

Nope. No downside.

Where's the pundit application?

Bonita C. Williams, P.I.T. (Pundit in Training), Glen Burnie