They say all is fair in love and war (I'm skeptical), but that doesn't mean war and love have much in common. When it comes to love, both parties need to be in on it. In war, all it takes is one to tango. Sure, if the nonbelligerent party doesn't want to fight, it can try to talk, or cut a deal, or even surrender. But it's up to the guys willing to kill to decide how things will proceed.