Right out of the chute, I'm going to admit I'm at a bit of a disadvantage here, since I'm pretty sure Childs has Serena Williams in one of his fantasy tennis leagues.
There's no arguing numbers and past performance with him - if you're curious, just look up the word insufferable in the dictionary - but the U.S. Open isn't played on paper. I'm not really sure what surface it's played on, but I'm almost certain it's not paper.
I'm going with Venus because she's older and more experienced than her younger sibling, and the fact that she's named after a Roman goddess clearly is having a subliminal effect on me. The two of them are 8-8 in head-to-head competition, so it might come down to who gets to the courthouse first and legally changes her last name to Ocho Ocho.
Admittedly, I've got a credibility problem here, since most people will naturally believe a guy whose first name is Childs when talking about tennis and polo and the other elitist sports you learn about at Gilman, but I'm not backing off this prediction.
Venus is going to win, and she's going to win in straight sets. It's just too bad they have to play each other in the quarterfinals today instead of the semis or the final.