Bad results

The Baltimore Sun

So you think you had a rough weekend?

Try being Atlanta Braves third baseman Chipper Jones, whose average has been above .400 most of the year, only recently dipping to .394. Sounds like a dream season, except he's headed to the disabled list with a quadriceps injury.

If there is one time when a player doesn't want to sit, even with a sore quad, it's when he's flirting with a .400 average.

Or you could be Jered Weaver, the Los Angeles Angels pitcher who had a no-hit bid alive through six innings Saturday night. Weaver was denied a chance at making history when he was removed for a pinch hitter in the seventh. He didn't even get the win. An unearned run cost him in a 1-0 loss to the cross-freeway rival Los Angeles Dodgers.

Reliever Jose Arredondo followed Weaver for the Angels and threw two hitless innings, but it doesn't go down in the books as an official no-hitter because the Dodgers, holding the lead at home, didn't have to bat in the bottom of the ninth.

Or you could be cyclist Floyd Landis, who has lost what was probably his final chance to retake his 2006 Tour de France title after a three-person panel at the Court of Arbitration for Sport upheld a previous panel's ruling that his positive doping test two years ago was valid.

As if that's not bad enough, Landis also must pay $100,000 toward the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency's legal fees.

Have a nice day.

"I am saddened by today's decision," Landis said in a statement. "I am looking into my legal options and deciding on the best way to proceed."

At this rate, lying low might be the wisest route to take. It would certainly be the cheapest.

Or you could be Ravens cornerback Derrick Martin, who is being cited by police for drug possession after he was allegedly found with three bags of suspected marijuana at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport. It's a misdemeanor with a maximum fine of $100, but in the new NFL, who knows what the league might do?

And here I thought it was only bottled water and economy-sized shampoo that you couldn't pass through security.

Still feeling sorry for yourself? Go ahead and trade places with Jack McCormick, the traveling secretary for the Boston Red Sox.

According to a report in The Providence Journal, left fielder and resident flake Manny Ramirez requested 16 tickets from McCormick for Saturday's game in Houston. When McCormick told him that securing that number might not be possible, Ramirez responded by yelling "Just do your job" and shoving McCormick to the clubhouse floor.

Ah, just Manny being Manny. What a hoot.

Apparently, Ramirez and McCormick met privately later to discuss the incident - hopefully, McCormick brought along a couple of Dobermans for protection, each holding eight tickets in his mouth - and the matter is considered closed. At least, that's what Ramirez says.

"That's over," he told the paper. "We're fine now."

The next time Ramirez misplays a fly ball and jogs to the warning track to retrieve it, or inexplicably dives to cut off a throw from 10 feet away, or is spotted at a hotel bar with a friend on another team after informing club officials that he is too ill to play, perhaps a fan will remind him to just do his job. The thought will probably run through McCormick's mind.

If McCormick's smart, he won't say anything. And if he's lucky, it will be a different Jack McCormick.

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