'Pact' distress can only be eased with a song

The Baltimore Sun

Sometimes the news is so shocking, absurd, or disturbing that it makes headlines in different media for weeks instead of the usual couple of days. Experts weigh in, and testimonials and interviews follow from neighbors, schoolmates and work associates as the world seeks answers to the simple question: Why?

Here in suburban Maryland, sharp readers like you have come to expect the kind of succinct, hard-hitting and thoughtful analysis found only in a Janet's World Current Events Poetry Column.

But just to keep things fresh, this time it will be a Janet's World Song-To-The-Tune-Of Column. This week's topic is the one we've all been talking about - the Massachusetts teenage girls who might have made a "pregnancy pact."

At this point, having pointed the fickle finger of blame on the economy, celebrities, the film industry and of course the American family unit, the most sensible thing we can do, in my opinion, is sing the following song to our children. Or watch the video version on my Web site, www.janetgilbert.net.

(To the tune of "Our Song" by Taylor Swift.)

I was sitting in school feeling so uncool I was sixteen and alone,

Textin' my friend - hurry up push send

On my new touch screen cell phone,

Teacher says "Hey, put that thing away,

Or I'll confiscate it now,"

I say "Okay, have it your own way

Cause I don't care anyhow."

And he says


"Right now life's a little bit weird,

Feeling like you're really nothing special

When you come to school and you feel outcast

Cause you're not in the crowd that's real fast

Right now life's a little bit strange,

Listen to me, it's temporary and it will change,

And when you grow up

You'll know what I meant

Don't go lookin' for love -

And end up pregnant."

I was walking to the clinic then after everything that day,

Had gone all wrong like a country song and I wanted to fly away,

Took my test with my girlfriends best and I hope that I would see

I would be a Mom yeah but my Mom's there and she says to me

(Repeat Chorus)

I've heard the advice before I couldn't really guess

Waitin' for a baby to come along, would turn my life into a real mess

(New Revised Chorus)

"Cause right now life's a little bit weird,

Wakin' all night, gotta feed that baby,

Can't come to school cause my pants don't fit

And the diapers, they sure smell like

Right now gotta go to my job

Minimum wage, never graduated.

And when I get home,

Really this is the worst,

Gotta deal with the thought -

Shoulda loved myself first.

Oh yeah.

Loved myself first, yeah."

To contact Janet or hear podcasts, visit http://www.janetgilbert.net.

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