The Baltimore Sun

Comedian George Carlin, who died Sunday, was best known for his "Seven Dirty Words" routine, but here are some of his one-liners that you can repeat without getting arrested:

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."

"One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like."

"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor."

"Give a man a fish and he will eat all day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."

"Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?"

"If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?"

"Why is the man or woman who invests all your money called a broker?"

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

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