Rabbi Elizabeth Bolton was always vexed by the notion that despite the country's traditional separation of church and state, Maryland gave her - a religious leader - the power to change people's legal status by signing their marriage licenses. At the same time, the Reconstructionist rabbi from Baltimore was troubled by the state's laws prohibiting same-sex marriage.

Finally, after contending with her conflicted feelings for years, she decided she had had enough: She told couples she would happily conduct religious wedding ceremonies, but to find someone else to sign their civil documents.

The legalization of same-sex marriage in 2004 in Massachusetts - the only state where such unions are legal - was the tipping point for her. "The incongruity of that not being possible here was heightened. It was the last straw. I finally was able to say with clarity: 'I really cannot do this anymore,'" said Bolton, the rabbi at Congregation Beit Tikvah.

Bolton has joined a small but growing band of clergy who have decided that they won't sign any marriage licenses as agents of the state until it allows gays and lesbians to marry. Some rabbis and ministers in states including Virginia, Minnesota, Michigan and Connecticut have told their congregants that when it comes to weddings they are in the business of religious ceremonies - only - and they have redirected couples to the local courthouse for the paperwork.

"There's sort of a steady drip, drip, drip of people starting to do this," said the Rev. Donald Stroud, minister of outreach and reconciliation at That All May Freely Serve Baltimore, an organization that advocates for the full inclusion of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people in the Presbyterian Church.

"I think it does raise people's consciousness - that's one element. But I think a lot of ministers who do this do this first because their conscience compels them," said Stroud. The Presbyterian Church does not sanction same-sex marriage, but it also does not compel pastors to sign licenses, he said. And like some of his colleagues, he would decline to do so if the issue arose because of what he sees as the state's discriminatory laws..

Maryland's highest court last year upheld a law that defines marriage as between a woman and a man, and efforts have not advanced in the General Assembly to create a legal relationship for gay and lesbian couples that confers many of the same rights granted to married couples.

In many cases, congregants have applauded the stances of their pastors and rabbis - most are already fully aware of their religious leaders' political affinities - or participated in the decision to implement a no-sign policy.

Elana Richman, a member of Congregation Beit Tikvah who now lives in Pennsylvania, said she fully supported Bolton's decision. "People need to take a stand against unjust laws, and it's a good way to do it," she said.

Richman had a civil ceremony at a courthouse - which she described as pleasant if unremarkable - but didn't consider herself married until the ceremony before Rabbi Bolton, family and friends in late 2005.

The Rev. David Ensign, pastor of Clarendon Presbyterian Church in Arlington, Va., was surprised by the flurry of media attention he received in 2005 when the ruling body of his small church unanimously passed a policy - at his recommendation - declaring that the pastor would not sign marriage documents as long as the legal rights were available only to straight couples. Ensign said did not hear a negative peep - once the policy was clearly explained - and unexpectedly, church membership grew after word of the church's position got out.

"A lot of people were interested in what we were doing. They were looking for a place that shared those commitments to justice and commitments to being an open and welcoming and progressive Christian community," he said.

In some ways, separating the legal elements of marriage has made religious wedding services more meaningful, Ensign said.

"There certainly is an intentional political statement on the part of the church," he said. "But an equal part of it has been to say, 'Let's reclaim what is essential about marriage and set aside the questions that are properly the domain of the state and focus in on the ones that are the domain of the faith community.' ... It's allowed us to have some rich and deep conversations with couples about their faith lives."

Of course, many faiths, such as the Roman Catholic Church, don't support same-sex marriage or civil unions. And clergy in only a handful of denominations - including Unitarian Universalist, Presbyterian and United Church of Christ leaders - have taken this step. They are not always supported by their peers.

"They have done both the state and the church and everyone involved an egregious disservice," said Charles Burge, the executive director of the Presbyterian Lay Committee, a conservative Presbyterian organization. "It is, unfortunately, a statement of where we are in most of the mainline denominations in this country and is why they're losing members hand over fist."

The Rev. John Crestwell of Davies Memorial Unitarian Universalist Church in Camp Springs, a supporter of same-sex marriage, said he prefers to focus on legislative action. Declining to sign licenses isn't the answer, he said, "but I certainly support the gesture as coming from the heart. It's very sincere, but it won't provide a long-term fix."

Maybe not, but the Rev. Tom Harris, pastor of Govans Presbyterian Church in Baltimore, felt he wanted to do more than go to rallies. He was struck with a sense of urgency while watching a little girl and her mother at a February gay rights lobby day in Annapolis.

"I think it was the innocence of the little girl - that's what hit me. These children are entirely innocent and need the protections of marriage if they're going to be growing up in families," he said. "That's when I really felt I had to do something more than what I was already doing."

He thought and prayed for a couple of weeks before announcing in his church's March newsletter that he would no longer sign marriage documents. "By signing marriage licenses as an agent of the State of Maryland for heterosexual couples, but not for homosexual couples, I am knowingly and willingly participating in an unjust, harmful practice and I do not wish to do so," he wrote.

But the process of changing church policy has been a little bumpy. The letter caused a stir, largely because members were caught off guard.

"I am glad that he has a forward-thinking way of speaking out on these issues," said Jane Page, a church member. "The congregation was only concerned that he was making decisions on his own."

Harris subsequently postponed his decision, though he is hoping that after a series of discussions, he will win over congregants.

"It's definitely where my heart is and something I'm feeling called to do," he said. "I do, looking back, wish I had moved, not more slowly, but that I'd brought the congregation along more. ... Govans supports gay and lesbian rights, and we'll go forward as a community with this. But we need some time to process it."

rona.marech@baltsun.com