Michelle Carras takes her medication, meditates daily and focuses on her long-term goal of completing by September the book she is writing.

Yet in the back of her mind is the anxiety that perhaps this control is an illusion, another stage in her decades-long battle with mental illness.

"Even if I talk fast, I worry that I'm getting hypermanic," she said.

It is her continuing struggle as much as her success that she hopes to share as a mentor in Anne Arundel County's first peer-to-peer education course for the mentally ill.

The nine-week course, which will start next month in Glen Burnie, will be taught by three people who hope their paths to recovery will help guide other people and perhaps inspire them to succeed.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness started offering the program nationally four years ago in three cities, including Baltimore, to fill a gap many sufferers saw between the treatment they received from doctors and the daily challenge of dealing with the symptoms and stigma of mental illness.

Darlene Bedrole, program coordinator for NAMI in Anne Arundel County, said people wrestling with mental illness can offer their peers something that professionals cannot.

"Because we've been there, we can help somebody else who's going through something we have already gone through," said Bedrole, who attended a peer-to-peer course in another part of the state to learn how to cope with her mental illness.

The program also addresses concerns about facing the illness alone, said Kate Farinholt, executive director of NAMI Metro Baltimore and one of the program's creators.

"Families and consumers tend to get isolated. They don't realize how many people are out there," she said.

The "consumers" in the program, as those with mental illness are called, range from those who have nearly recovered and are seeking a little extra information to those just out of the hospital.

Carras, an Ellicott City resident, said she spent years thinking she was simply a "horrible person."

Her disorder first appeared in a serious form when she was a teenager. She recalls cutting herself at the age of 13. By age 14 she was pregnant and caught in a destructive cycle of hyper-mania and depression.

At times, she was unable to control her thoughts, spending and sexual urges. At others, she felt too down to do anything.

Now a stay-at-home mother of three and a writer, Carras credits the support of her family for carrying her through her difficulties but said she has also become empowered through her advocacy for the mentally ill.

"Kind of learning these things made me feel better about my own life," she said.

Farinholt said that is no accident, as the NAMI programs are designed to help the mentally ill learn to help themselves and to combat the assumption that "people can't do anything because they have mental illness."

NAMI often asks peer-to-peer students who "really got it" and who are succeeding in their recovery to train and become mentors, Farinholt said.

Others, such as Carras, were involved in other ways, such as giving speeches and holding support groups.

The program differs from a support group in that the mentors are trained to teach a specific curriculum on psychological disorders. Beyond factual information, the mentors provide coping skills and help participants develop plans to prevent relapses.

Carras has seen the worst mental illness can do - her mother suffered for years before taking her own life - and she knows her battle is not over. But she hopes her experiences will provide the program's participants proof that their lives need not be dominated by pain.

"I can be there serving as an example," said Carras, who will be teaching the same course in Howard County next fall. "This is the way it works: You can do your stuff, you can live your life, and you're still going to have symptoms"

david.zenlea@baltsun.com

To learn more about where and when the classes will begin, call NAMI at 410-863-0470.