Science always seems to fall short in its explanations of love and courtship. Hormones, chemistry, evolution, genes, all the usual suspects are inadequate for the task. But rarely have we witnessed a scientist so thoroughly misjudge the nature of romance (and thus Valentine's Day) as did a Singapore primatologist who spent 20 months observing the behavior of 50 long-tailed macaques in Indonesia.
It seems these macaques, a kind of monkey found in North Africa and parts of Asia, have a recognizable prelude to sexual encounters. Male macaques that first spend time grooming females are far more likely to then have intimate relations than males that do not.
But it's here where the researcher went horribly wrong. He concluded that the monkeys had completed a kind of market transaction - essentially likening the female macaques to members of the world's oldest profession. A commodity is given, a sexual favor is the reward, at least so his reasoning goes.
How insulting - even by the primate standard. Surely, there's room in this world for the romantic gesture. The wilds of Indonesia should be no exception.
Today, as males of a certain related species are observed running around collecting flowers, candies, greeting cards and other gifts to attract a mate, how might the esteemed faculty of Nanyang Technological University label their interactions?
As William Shakespeare, a far better informed expert on love, once noted, "Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps." Picking a few nits works for some, a spa gift certificate for others.
But at least the monkeys are wise strategists. Consider a popular e-mail making the rounds of cyberspace these days: It features images of handsome men with alluring captions such as "As long as I have legs to walk on, you'll never take out the garbage." There's nothing more seductive than the thoughtful chore. That's rarely the target of vice squad raids; it's just the stuff we do for love.