News item: Former New York Mets clubhouse attendant Kirk Radomski will spend no time in jail for his part in baseball's far-reaching steroid scandal. He was fined and placed on five years' probation after cooperating with the federal government and Major League Baseball investigator George Mitchell.
My take: Once again, a major perpetrator gets a slap on the wrist, while there's a lawyer serving 2 1/2 years in prison for leaking Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative grand jury transcripts to a reporter. There ought to be some congressional hearings.
News item: Personal trainer Brian McNamee has given investigators used syringes and other medical refuse in an attempt to bolster his contention that he helped Roger Clemens bulk up with steroids.
My take: McNamee saved soiled gauze and other biological waste for seven years? I think the last guy to do something that creepy was the personal trainer for Howard Hughes.
Bonus take: And you thought Clemens taping that phone call was a sleazy breach of trust.
News item: Clemens, McNamee and Andy Pettitte are scheduled to testify in front of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform Wednesday.
My take: This might be the most anticipated reality show since the first Survivor. I'm predicting Clemens and Pettitte get together and vote McNamee off the island.
News item: It took awhile, but the Orioles finally completed the trade that sent Erik Bedard to the Seattle Mariners for top outfield prospect Adam Jones and four other prospects.
My take: I'm hearing the Orioles also have reached a tentative deal to send Brian Roberts to the Chicago Cubs. It'll be announced June 14.
News item: Some experts are saying the Mariners gave up way too much for Bedard.
My take: It'll be awhile before anyone can make that kind of judgment, but congratulations to Andy MacPhail just the same.
News item: Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling and the team are at odds after conflicting medical reports on his sore shoulder have caused him to agree to forego surgery to protect $8 million in salary.
My take: Both sides need to have a totally impartial third party take a hard look at the situation. How about Red Sox board member George Mitchell?
News item: The Washington Redskins' head coaching search continues after Steve Spagnuolo decided to remain with the New York Giants.
My take: Tell Daniel Snyder I'll take the job, but I want to pick my own coordinators.
News item: The Phoenix Suns acquired Shaquille O'Neal from the Miami Heat for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks.
My take: It's only a matter of time before Kobe Bryant demands that the Suns trade Shaq out of the division.
News item: New England Patriots stars Tom Brady and Randy Moss decided to pass on the Pro Bowl after last week's Super Bowl loss to the Giants.
My take: Brady had a legitimate excuse. He checked into a hospital to have Michael Strahan surgically removed from his chest.
News item: Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher underwent minor surgery on his neck but will be ready for training camp in July.
My take: Brian Urlacher has a neck?
News item: Notre Dame football coach Charlie Weis announced he will no longer call the offensive plays for the Fighting Irish after his team's abysmal season.
My take: I'll let you fill in your own Brian Billick joke here.
News item: Controversial coaching legend Bobby Knight abruptly stepped down at Texas Tech and turned the team over to his son.
My take: Next stop, Daniel Snyder's guest house.
Listen to Peter Schmuck on WBAL (1090 AM) at noon most Saturdays and Sundays.