Oh Zip Seven, Soon to Be in annual Heaven (Unless a rather hotter Destination Awaits its date of clinical Expiration). But not yet -before such regret Mark this merry day of joy unwrapping, Stockings unhung, ribbons flapping, Squeals and songs and bells a-clapping, A succulent feast, a dash of night-capping. This is when, in busted rhythm, We hail our friends, and all that's with 'em. So holiday greetings to Mayor Ms. Sheila, To Andy McPhail, who we hope will reveal a Penchant for plotting a pennant, O! To Rawlings-Blake (that's President Stephanie) Cheers and shouts, downright deafeny, To Andres Alonso, Feliz Navidad, To Rod Rosenstein, who waits for the nod, A big bear hug for Russia's Medvedev - Now there our place we're getting ahead of, Our purview's at home, and intensely local, Every poohbah, pundit, preacher and yokel. So swing the censer for Archbishop O'Brien, Joshua Sharfstein, who keeps us from dyin', Down at the courthouse, Counselor Jessamy, Shake hands with Fred Bealefeld, so Eliot Ness-amy! To Marin Alsop and Bobby Curran, Garlands and wreaths and maybe a fer-n. Bless us, Sam Zell - and Joyeux Noel To Gay Paree and Nick SarkoZEE. May Father Christmas be most generous, To Gordon Brown, his grip most tenerous. A holiday missive, a White House deal, Says "Let's be pals" to Kim Jong Il. To commanding General David Petraeus, - No! Not that rhyme! Our fans would fillet us! Hail to all the opposites polar, From Steve McNair to Kyle Boller. And here's a charm for Madison Smartt Bell, For Barack Obama and Mike Gravel, For latter-day Mitt (on the road to Damascus) Opinions to fit - he just has to ask us. For Duncan Hunter and Rudy Giuliani, For Dennis Kucinich - truly-ani! For Arkansans two, or make that three, Hillary, Bill and Mike Huckabee, For John McCain and Senator Biden, And, too, Ron Paul, our choices to widen, For Richardson, Bill, and Edwards, John, Tom Tancredo at the exit (Oh, we feel a bit wan), For ol' Fred Thompson, at home in his rocker, And Jamie Lynn Spears (Come on now, don't knock her), For serious Senator George J. Mitchell, And knights of the diamond who battle and pitchle. To Amy Winehouse, a restful interlude, And to Queen Latifah - keep up the attitude. For Will Smith and Al Gore, A monosyllabic holiday roar, For Regan and Nathan, the Judiths two, And Paddington Bear, who came from Peru, For the writers on strike in TV land, And the reunified players of the E Street Band, To Johnny Depp with his razor demonic, And Larry Craig, of the restroom platonic, The very happiest of holidays to one and to all. Now every good thing has its natural finish, And beyond that point the joys diminish, Our welcome we fear we've overstayed, So up and away, 'til memories fade. The day now is done. Our job is, too. Away with care, It's time we flew. We'll yell it out Around the bend: Merry Christmas all! And so the end.
The Baltimore Sun