News item: The Dallas Cowboys and Green Bay Packers meet Thursday night in a renewal of one of the NFL's greatest rivalries, but two-thirds of American homes will not get the game because of a dispute between the NFL Network and the major cable providers.
My take: It'll be a great night to own a sports bar. I'll have the chicken fingers, the nachos, the mini-burgers, two orders of jalapeno poppers and a Diet Coke.
News item: Disgraced track star Marion Jones was stripped of all her victories since September 2000 and ordered by the International Association of Athletics Federation to repay $700,000 in winnings.
My take: Good luck trying to collect that money. Steroids are pretty expensive.
News item: Coach Dennis Franchione, who was reprimanded by Texas A&M; in September for selling inside scouting information in an electronic newsletter, resigned after the Aggies upset rival Texas for the second straight year in football.
My take: He won't be unemployed for long if Bill Belichick has anything to say about it.
News item: Alex Rodriguez received a $1.5 million bonus from the New York Yankees for winning his third Most Valuable Player Award.
My take: In three years, he'll probably find that check wedged between the seat cushions in his car and wonder what it was for.
My take: For a longtime USC fan, it doesn't get any better than that ... if the Trojans win. If not, I'll have to listen to former Buckeye Stan White gloat for a year.
News item: Orioles president Andy MacPhail will head for the winter meetings in Nashville, Tenn., next week, hoping to remake the roster and set up the team for long-term success.
My take: I know he'd like to unload Aubrey Huff and his big contract, but the Playboy Channel doesn't own a team.
News item: Trainer Greg Anderson might return to jail rather than testify at the perjury and obstruction of justice trial of former client Barry Bonds.
My take: What an amazing display of personal loyalty. Bonds, meanwhile, probably can't place the name.
News item: Arkansas became the latest college football underdog to knock off one of the top two teams in the country, beating LSU on Friday in a triple-overtime thriller.
My take: It's getting to the point where you have to wonder if anybody really wants to play in the Bowl Championship Series title game.
News item: Former Sen. George Mitchell could release his much-anticipated steroid report in the next few weeks.
My take: Can't wait. My sources tell me he'll report that major league players used steroids to bulk up and hit lots of home runs. I know I'm going to feel a lot better once we have that settled.
My take: Don't get too indignant. Boise State is the only ranked team the Warriors have played this season.
News item: The commissioner of the Canadian Football League predicted Friday the NFL will eventually move into Toronto.
My take: Wow, that's a stretch. If there were any money in it, the NFL would put a team on Mars. Actually, there are plans for exhibition games there in 3006.
My take: And the spread was 22 points before his status was in serious doubt. Guess the 1972 Dolphins can keep the champagne on ice for one more week.
Listen to Peter Schmuck on WBAL (1090 AM) at noon most Saturdays and Sundays.