WITH THREE TURKEYS in his arms, the meat guy cavalierly dumps one into my cart where it lands with a thud. I poke it with one finger.
"Is this a fresh one?" I hesitantly ask, because it feels kind of icy and the luxury of a slow thaw is not mine. I've got three turkeys, a completely different recipe for each and two days to achieve Thanksgivingworthiness.
I also have no idea what I'm doing.
The meat man mumbles something about only the outside being frozen and all but guarantees that these turkeys are fresh, oven-ready, good to go.
So with a toss of some official butcher's string into the cart -- I think I need that -- Operation Three Turkeys Two Days begins.
The thing is, although I'm not a kitchen rube -- not even a turkey virgin -- the food editor sussed me out as someone with a near-clinical case of Thanksgiving insecurities. I am to take on this poultry so that as I stuff and roast and brine, I'll cook off the anxiety inherent in the holiday mission.
It's a public service, really. I'll reach my hand inside the cavity to pull out who-knows-what. I'll curse the meat thermometer that's stubbornly set on salmonella. I'll consider the aesthetic, ergonomic and philosophical implications of breast-side up.
A panel of The Sun's most discriminating palates will rate my results. All so that on your holiday, you can be thankful, at least, to avoid a few faux pas.
The experiment involves roasting recipes based on slightly different methods and varying degrees of sophistication. They're all supposedly easy, however -- from ridiculously basic to fairly reasonable.
First comes the very reassuring sounding "Can't-Go-Wrong Roast Turkey" from the encouragingly named Real Simple Celebrations book. I immediately attempt to calculate the embarrassment factor of going wrong with the Can't-Go-Wrong. Limitless.
Next up is an intriguing dry-brined concept from Fine Cooking's new book, How to Cook a Turkey. Even the office foodies confess that they've never heard of dry brining, only the annoying wet kind that involves soaking a turkey overnight in a giant vat of salt water and seasonings.
Finally is an Italian-influenced recipe recommended by the Food Network's impossibly perfect Giada De Laurentiis, a woman who prepares feasts, tours exotic lands and flirts with dozens of waiters -- without a hair out of place.
Each turkey endeavor starts pretty much the same: peeling off the wrapper, digging around in the cavity for optional parts they store there as if the bird is some kind of valise, and then giving it a good rinse and pat dry.
My turkeys come with little plastic harnesses, seemingly there to hold the legs together and seal the bigger of the two openings. The turkey people might want to think about skipping these because their usefulness is debatable and they're all but impossible to wedge off. I actually had to pry them out with a knife. Maybe there's some trick to it that I would have realized had there been a fourth turkey. Anyway.
The "Can't-Go-Wrong" recipe was suspiciously easy. Aside from the turkey itself, it involved just three ingredients -- olive oil, salt and pepper. And as for the preparation -- what little there was -- if you can turn your oven on, open the door and put a turkey down in there, you're golden.
Yeah, I did have to reopen the door at one point to cover the turkey with a sheet of tinfoil, and I did have to reduce the oven temperature for the final portion of the roasting. But really. That's it.
Of course, the simplicity came back to bite me.
Though the recipe resulted in a nicely browned bird just like the one resting plainly on a platter in the book, the tasters at work -- all of whom lived to tell, by the way -- were less than enthused. They complained it was serviceable, but too dry, too chewy, too bland. Only one person chose it as his favorite of the three, appreciating its traditional, humble, Pilgrim-esque sensibilities. He then turned to buy a pack of Pop-Tarts from the snack machine.
Turkey No. 2 involved dry-brining, which meant I sprinkled kosher salt all over it -- inside and out -- and let it sit in the refrigerator overnight.
The next morning there was no rinsing off the 1 / 4 cup of salt. The recipe just called for stuffing the cavity with celery and freakishly unpeeled onions and carrots.
Unlike the first recipe, which started out with a higher temperature and then dropped it, this one opted for a steady 400 degrees the whole way through. The trick here, however, was a midroast flip -- exactly the gymnastic move it sounds like.
An hour into cooking, I was supposed to take the turkey out of the oven, wad paper towels in each hand, and then grab the bird and flip it breast-side up. I miraculously didn't drop the hot bird midflip, but my dismount faltered when a wing snagged on the side of the pan and almost ripped off.
The brining, vegetables and flipping resulted in a flavorful, moist turkey that drew near-raves from the picky tasters. They declared it "juicy" (so much moisture, actually, that when the electric knife first touched down, juice spurted across the kitchen), "tender" and "turkeylike." A few awarded it the coveted four out of four drumsticks.
They also commented on the saltiness, but most considered that a good thing. The sodium-sensitive set might think otherwise.
Last up: Giada's Turkey With Herbes de Provence and Citrus.
This, of course, came with its own take on temperature, but more noticeably, with an extra helping of razzmatazz. Dear Giada demanded the cavity be filled with lemons, oranges, onions and aromatic clusters of fresh rosemary, sage and oregano. So much stuff, actually, it all kept tumbling out of the hole.
Giada also wanted a mixture of butter, olive oil and dried herbs to be slathered on top and underneath the skin.
Because the scent of spice and citrus tantalizingly wafted through the house, and because the flecks of herbs looked so appealing, I assumed this was the bird to beat.
It wasn't.
Granted, there was something of a setback when I proudly pulled what I thought was the finished turkey out of the oven only to realize I had cooked it upside down and the entire breast seemed raw. After another 40 minutes it still seemed pinkish, but that wasn't the tasters' main issue.
They just didn't go for the herbs.
They didn't think the seasonings blended. They didn't think it tasted like Thanksgiving. They worried the showy flavors would clash with other elements on the holiday plate.
To each his own, I guess the lesson is. Or maybe it's Be Thankful If Someone Else is Making the Turkey.
But the real moral of this turkey trial might be that while simple is easy and flashy looks great on a platter, the path to glory seems to lie in juiciness and flavor. Dry-brining. Who knew?
jill.rosen@baltsun.com
Turkey tidbits
Making a turkey for the first time? Don't forget these basic rules:
Giblets be gone:
Remember to remove everything from inside the turkey that looks like it shouldn't be in there.
No naked birds:
To achieve moist, flavorful turkey, you'd be wise to rub and stuff. Working a little butter or olive oil and seasonings onto the uncooked turkey really helps - so does putting aromatics like onions and fresh herbs into the cavity.
Consider a spotter:
Flipping the bird can be something of a logistical challenge. Have an assistant on hand, if possible.
Think not pink:
If the meat thermometer is not registering in the realm of 165 degrees to 180 degrees in a thick spot on the thigh, leave the bird in the oven. Really. It's not done. No one wants medium-rare poultry.
Don't forget the rest:
Though it seems superfluous, letting the turkey rest for at least a half-hour before you carve will help with the juiciness.
[ Jill Rosen]
THE RECIPES
THE WINNER
RATING: *** 1/2 (3 1/2 stars)
DRY-BRINED ROASTED TURKEY SERVES 10
one 10- to 12-pound turkey
1 / 4 cup kosher salt
2 medium to large yellow onions, left unpeeled and cut into eighths
2 medium carrots, left unpeeled and cut into 1-inch chunks
2 medium ribs celery, cut into 1-inch chunks
11 / 2 cups water; more as needed (divided use)
The night before roasting, remove the giblets from the turkey, cut off the tail, if attached, and reserve them for making turkey broth. Rinse the turkey thoroughly. Sprinkle the salt all over it, starting on the back side, then moving to the cavity and, finally, the breast. Put the turkey on a wire rack set over a rimmed pan or platter and refrigerate, uncovered, overnight.
An hour before roasting, remove the turkey from the refrigerator and let it stand at room temperature. Fifteen to 20 minutes before roasting, position a rack in the lowest part of the oven and heat the oven to 400 degrees.
Put half of the onions, carrots and celery in the turkey cavity. Scatter the remaining onions, carrots and celery in a large flameproof heavy-duty roasting pan fitted with a large V-rack. Set the turkey, breast side down, on the rack.
Roast for 30 minutes. Pour 1 cup of the water into the roasting pan and roast for another 30 minutes. Remove the turkey from the oven and close the oven door. With a wad of paper towels in each hand, carefully turn the turkey over so that it is breast-side up.
Add the remaining 1 / 2 cup of water to the roasting pan. Return the turkey to the oven and continue to roast until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the thigh, away from the bone, registers 170 degrees and the juices run clear when you remove the thermometer -- about another 45 minutes for a turkey of about 10 pounds or about another hour for a 12-pounder.
Keep a close eye on the vegetables and pan drippings throughout the cooking process. They should be kept dry enough to brown and produce the rich brown drippings to make gravy, but moist enough to keep from burning, so add water as needed.
Transfer the turkey to a carving board or platter, tent with aluminum foil, and let rest for at least 45 minutes and up to 1 hour before carving and serving.
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From "How to Make a Turkey," by the editors of Fine Cooking magazine
Per serving: 553 calories, 73 grams protein, 25 grams fat, 7 grams saturated fat, 4 grams carbohydrate, 1 gram fiber, 212 milligrams cholesterol, 2,504 milligrams sodium
SECOND PLACE
RATING: ** 1/2 (2 1/2 stars)
TURKEY WITH HERBES DE PROVENCE AND CITRUS (WITH GRAVY) SERVES 8 TO 10
one 14- to 15-pound turkey, neck and giblets reserved
1 orange, cut into wedges
1 lemon, cut into wedges
1 onion, cut into wedges
6 fresh rosemary sprigs (divided use)
6 fresh sage sprigs (divided use)
6 fresh oregano sprigs (divided use)
7 tablespoons unsalted butter (divided use)
2 tablespoons herbes de Provence
1 tablespoon olive oil
11 / 2 teaspoons salt, plus more for gravy
11 / 2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper, plus more for gravy
6 cups canned low-salt chicken broth (approximate amount -- divided use)
1 / 3 cup all-purpose flour
Position the rack in the lowest third of the oven and preheat to 400 degrees.
Rinse the turkey and pat it dry with paper towels. Place the turkey on a rack set inside a large roasting pan. Place the orange, lemon, onion and 2 sprigs of each fresh herb in the main turkey cavity. Tie the legs together to hold the shape of the turkey.
Stir 2 tablespoons of butter, the herbes de Provence, oil, and the salt and pepper in a small saucepan over medium heat just until the butter melts. Rub the butter mixture all over the turkey and between the turkey breast meat and skin. Place the turkey neck and giblets in roasting pan. (Recipe can be prepared up to this point 1 day ahead. Cover and refrigerate. Let stand at room temperature 30 minutes before roasting.)
Cover the turkey breast with foil. Roast for 20 minutes. Pour 3 cups of broth into the pan and stir to scrape up any brown bits on the bottom of the pan. Add the remaining sprigs of fresh herbs to the pan. Roast the turkey for 40 minutes. Reduce the oven temperature to 350 degrees. Remove the foil from the turkey; pour 1 more cup of broth into the pan.
Continue roasting the turkey until a meat thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the thigh registers 165 degrees to 175 degrees or until the juices run clear when the thickest part of the thigh is pierced with a skewer, basting occasionally with pan juices, about 1 hour and 30 minutes longer. Transfer the turkey to a platter and tent with foil. Let stand 30 minutes while preparing the gravy.
To make the gravy: Strain the turkey pan juices from the roasting pan through a sieve and into a 4-cup glass measuring cup; discard the solids. Spoon off the fat from the pan juices. Add enough chicken broth, about 1 to 2 cups, to the pan juices to measure 4 cups total.
Melt the remaining butter in a heavy large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the flour and whisk for 1 minute. Gradually whisk in the broth. Simmer until the gravy thickens slightly, whisking often, about 10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Serve the turkey with the gravy.
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From Giada De Laurentiis, food network.com
Per serving (based on 10 servings): 874 calories, 105 grams protein, 45 grams fat, 16 grams saturated fat, 6 grams carbohydrate, 1 gram fiber, 317 milligrams cholesterol, 639 milligrams sodium
THIRD PLACE
RATING: ** (2 stars)
CAN'T-GO-WRONG ROAST TURKEY SERVES 6 TO 8
one 10- to 12-pound turkey
3 tablespoons olive oil
1 tablespoon kosher salt
3 / 4 teaspoon black pepper
Heat oven to 425 degrees. Remove the turkey giblets. Rinse the turkey inside and out under cool running water, then pat dry with paper towels. Place the turkey on a wire rack in a metal roasting pan. Spread the oil evenly over the turkey and season with the salt and pepper. Roast the turkey until golden brown, about 45 minutes.
Add about 1 cup of water to the pan and cover the turkey loosely with a large sheet of foil. Reduce heat to 375 degrees. Continue to roast until a thermometer inserted in a thigh registers 180 degrees, about 1 3 / 4 hours more, depending on the size of the turkey. Leave the foil in place and let the turkey rest for at least 30 minutes before carving. (If making gravy, reserve the pan drippings.)
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From "Real Simple Celebrations"
Per serving (based on 8 servings): 716 calories, 91 grams protein, 36 grams fat, 10 grams saturated fat, 0 grams carbohydrate, 0 grams fiber, 264 milligrams cholesterol, 939 milligrams sodium
Coming next week: Our series breaks down the basics of great stuffing, a dish often laden with tradition and expectation.