News item: Michael Vick actually gained some traction - and even a little public sympathy - on Monday with his seemingly heartfelt public apology after pleading guilty in federal court to charges related to an illegal dogfighting operation.
My take: Guess I'm just cynical, but what else did you expect him to say ... that he can't wait to get back into the ring? Sorry, but admitting you're wrong after you get caught doesn't make you a stand-up guy.
News item: Appalachian State, of the former Division I-AA, scored one of the greatest upsets in college football history yesterday with a 34-32 road victory over No. 5 Michigan.
My take: I don't even know where Appalachian State is located, but it probably would be the perfect place for Lloyd Carr to hide out for a while.
News item: The Orioles ended a nine-game losing streak Friday night, but not before reliever Danys Baez came within one hit of blowing a three-run lead in the ninth inning.
My take: I don't know what everybody's complaining about. This is easily the most exciting Orioles team in years. Every time Dave Trembley even looks toward the bullpen, the hair stands up on the back of my neck.
News item: New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan announced Friday that he will end his holdout and rejoin the team nine days before its season opener.
My take: My position on Strahan is well known. The only reason I'm happy he didn't retire is that I won't have to listen to him doing color commentary every Sunday.
News item: The No. 4 Texas Longhorns suspended receiver Billy Pittman for three games for borrowing a friend's car.
My take: This only makes sense if the car belonged to head coach Mack Brown and Pittman brought it back with a quarter tank.
News item: New England Patriots safety Rodney Harrison was suspended by the NFL for four games after admitting to the use of human growth hormone.
My take: I think the lesson here is clear. Next time you're tempted to use performance-enhancing drugs, borrow a friend's car instead.
News item: The Orioles traded pitcher Steve Trachsel to the Chicago Cubs on Friday for two minor leaguers.
My take: Great deal. The O's get back $500,000 in salary and can sign Trachsel back next February for a lot less than it would have cost to exercise the option they included last time. The two Triple-A guys were just a bonus.
News item: WWE has suspended 10 wrestlers for violating the company's steroid policy.
My take: Glad to see pro wrestling finally get tough on steroids. It just happened several lives too late.
News item: Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen directed a profanity-laced tirade toward his team after his last-place club lost to the Texas Rangers on Wednesday night.
My take: And he's the manager from the 2005 World Series who still has a job.
News item: Soccer star David Beckham suffered a sprained right knee in Wednesday's SuperLiga tournament final and could be lost for six weeks.
My take: Poor guy can't buy a break. Now he's going to have to wait until next year to turn Major League Soccer into America's No. 1 professional sport.
News item: Oakland coach Lane Kiffin announced that he might keep the identity of his starting quarterback a secret until the Raiders open the regular season against the Detroit Lions on Sept. 9.
My take: No surprise there. The way the Raiders played last year, I'm sure a lot of players would prefer not to have their names made public.
News item: Court records revealed last week that Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry has fathered nine children with nine different women.
My take: Sounds like the next hit HBO series to me.
Listen to Peter Schmuck on WBAL (1090 AM) at noon Saturdays and Sundays.