Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask

The Baltimore Sun

Things I'd like to see: Jerry Rowan, the juggling comic of Harborplace and Baltimore's best street performer - he's working The Gallery's 20th anniversary this weekend - with a regular two-minute gig at every Orioles home game: Juggling to Khachaturian's "Sabre Dance" while the ground crew rakes the infield.

I'd like to see a menu item called Chicken Khachaturian.

And an Armenian restaurant to serve it.

I'd also like to see:

Marin Alsop Bobblehead Night at the Meyerhoff.

The Sun taking ownership of the Mencken House, fixing it up and opening it to the public again.

The new Gebco insurance commercial, featuring the dancing Gebco girls and Jonathan Ogden. (It premieres at 6-something Tuesday during Morning Edition on 'JZ.)

An HBO series, based in Baltimore, about sisters who run a crab house. No guns, no killings, just stories about stuff that happens. Call it Steamed Females. It could even be funny. Imagine!

Nick Markakis batting .310 with 25 homers a year, and he should let his hair grow; he has Adonis potential with hair.

Corey Patterson playing for the Orioles for a long time.

Ditto Erik Bedard and Brian Roberts.

I'd like to see a six-table Italian restaurant with two waiters and three choices of entrees per night, whatever the chef feels like cooking. Checkered tablecloths, candles in Chianti bottles - like the little joint where Michael rubs out Sollozzo and the crooked cop. But no guns. We'd call the place Take the Cannoli.

I'd like to see this year's Army-Navy game - Saturday, Dec. 1 at M&T; - but I'm not paying $160 for a ticket.

I'm not paying $250, either.

I'd like to see an Old-Guys-With-Big-Glasses Contest during next year's Flower Mart, with David Letterman as emcee. Biggest lens-to-head ratio wins a canned ham.

Grapenut ice cream added to the choices at Broom's Bloom Dairy in Harford County. (It's about the only flavor they don't have, and the most overlooked, underrated one.)

I'd like to see Baltimore County loaning 25 police officers to the city for about six months to help reduce crime in the worst sectors.

More businesses hiring guys out of prison, giving them an opportunity to prove they can be law-abiding, productive citizens - not just repeat offenders and a drag on society.

While we're at it ...

Things I'd like to hear:

More guys on parole or probation calling here (410-332-6166) to get help in finding employment or job training.

A candidate for mayor who speaks with genuine passion and inspiring eloquence about leading this city.

Martin O'Malley speaking, with genuine passion and inspiring eloquence, to rally the nation's wealthiest state to help its biggest city finally solve its crime, poverty and public education problems, arguing that a stronger Baltimore means a stronger Maryland.

The Baltimore County Council starting its meetings with a sing-along of classic TV themes: The Flintstones, Beverly Hillbillies, Addams Family, etc.

Live organ music at Oriole Park.

And Gary Thorne leading the fans in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," a la Harry Caray.

The Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo de Silos - assuming they get around - performing chants in that exquisite sky-lit space of the Walters off Charles Street.

Cyrus Chestnut at the piano, playing "Sweet Hour of Prayer," in any church, any time, any day.

Curious minds

Things I'd like to know:

If anyone at the National Security Agency was listening, via spy satellite, to Dave Trembley and the umps at Fenway on Friday night - and, if so, could we get a recording?

If any of Baltimore's departed wealthy ever left a multimillion-dollar trust fund for a dog.

Why so many voters in The Sun poll being published today think Baltimore is on the wrong track, yet so many still intend to vote for the present mayor, Sheila Dixon.

Why Keiffer Mitchell has run such a lumbering, plodding campaign.

If the guy who does those Mr. Tire radio commercials grew up in Pikesville or Edgemere. (It's one or the other, but I'm not that good at discerning local dialect.)

If Marty Bass has a secret membership in an outlaw motorcycle gang.

If there's a nicer, more accessible stroll in a state park than the one through Cunningham Falls State Park.

If, on the other hand, there is anything truly scenic in Pennsylvania, or is every inch of countryside marred by trailer parks, new construction, old billboards and adult movie stores?

What happened to Uma Pemmaraju.

Why anyone is surprised that housing sales have slowed and prices aren't growing as fast as they were just a few crazy years ago.

If the Orioles intend to one day induct Mike Mussina into their Hall of Fame - and, if they do, whether it could be on a Sunday in January when no one's around?

If Arthur Bremer, the would-be assassin, still laughs himself silly at TV cartoons in prison. (He did years ago, when I wrote a story about his life behind bars.)

Why Bremer, who refused any psychiatric treatment over 35 years in Maryland prisons, is considered an exemplary prisoner deserving early release.

Why Baltimore doesn't have a Major League Lacrosse franchise.

If I'm the only guy with minor children who never gets to use the hammock they gave him for Father's Day five years ago. (I'm sure I'm not.)

If we can make fresh tomato on white bread with mayonnaise, salt and pepper the official summer sandwich of Maryland.

If we can pass a law making it a misdemeanor - punishable with a fine of up to $1,000 or 30 days in jail, or both - for anyone who eats an Attman's corned beef sandwich with mayonnaise.


Copyright © 2020, The Baltimore Sun, a Baltimore Sun Media Group publication | Place an Ad