Along with "Trump Admits Hair Looks Ridiculous" and "Baltimore Rated Safest Place to Live," here is a headline you never expect to see: "Astronauts Flew Drunk, Report Says."

Are you kidding me?

Getting tanked up before they strap you into the top of a huge rocket and send you roaring into space, where you'll be expected to perform complicated docking maneuvers, meticulous scientific experiments and demanding space walks, among other duties?

Do you even want to do this with a hangover, never mind drunk?

What does NASA stand for these days: Need Another Six Amstels?

And what are we going to hear from the flight crew of the next space shuttle: "Houston, we have a problem. We're out of Stoli ... "?

All of this, of course, stems from a report in an influential aviation trade journal that said that on at least two occasions, astronauts were allowed to fly after medical personnel warned they were so drunk that they posed a safety risk.

The report didn't name the astronauts who were loaded when they flew. And it didn't specify whether they were hammered on space mission flights or training jet flights.

But maybe it makes us reassess our popular image of the brave men and women who go rocketing to the heavens: clear-eyed, jut-jawed, All-American types who end each day with a warm cup of cocoa.

Apparently, they might be chasing it with shots of sambuca.

Of course, NASA's image took a bad enough hit when loony astronaut Lisa Nowak reportedly drove hundreds of miles across the country - with a diaper handy to bypass highway rest stops, always a nice touch - to confront a woman she saw as her rival for the affections of another astronaut.

But these drinking allegations are another PR nightmare, especially with the space shuttle Endeavour set to launch Aug. 7.

Here's another thing that was shocking about the trade journal report: It said an independent committee appointed by NASA in February found "heavy use of alcohol" by astronauts within the standard 12 hours before launch when flight crews are prohibited from drinking.

Twelve hours?

You can drink 12 hours before going into space? Who knew?

So if the launch is set for 8 in the morning, it's perfectly OK for astronauts to be getting loaded at Crazy Pete's Cantina the night before, as long as they finish that last Bacardi and Coke at 8 p.m.?

Well, that's certainly reassuring. Is it me, or is that cutting it a little close?

Whatever happened to getting a good night's sleep before work in the morning?

Especially if your work involves, say, screaming hundreds of miles into space, linking with the International Space Station and taking part in an experiment called - this is the actual name of a planned study - "Anomalous Long-Term Effects in Astronauts' Central Nervous System of Cosmic Radiation." Think it might help to be clear-headed when you tackle that one?

Me, I can't even open a can of soup when I'm hung over.

And these astronauts might be doing radiation studies when they're drunk?

All I know is, if I were the head of NASA, I'd be re-evaluating that 12-hour "bottle to throttle" rule.

And changing it to read something like: No booze for a week before you climb into your space suit.

Anyway, NASA seems to be terribly embarrassed by these allegations of heavy partying by its crew members, and says it's investigating the whole matter.

In the meantime, my gut instinct is that these claims of astronaut drinking-and-flying might be overblown.

I can't imagine an astronaut nurturing a life-long dream of exploring space, training for years and years, and then, on the eve of the big day, thinking: "Dude, what we need now is a keg party!"

But you never know.

We've certainly heard about airline pilots who climbed into the cockpit not long after taking in Happy Hour at the hotel bar.

They should have been sleeping it off, not taking off.

And maybe it's the same with a few astronauts.

Maybe they have, as Tom Wolfe wrote in his famous book, "the right stuff."

But they're picking the wrong time to party.

kevin.cowherd@baltsun.com