There are times when it's pretty clear when it's a date: One person asks, one person drives, there's a fancy dinner, maybe even some flowers. But there are times things get murky, confusing and -- worst of all -- casual.
The paranoia sets in. And the question plays on loop through your head: What exactly was that afternoon in the coffee shop, that day at the museum, that night at movies?
Then, you get the advice that's amazingly simple, yet all together infuriating: You just know.
"I think people can pretty much tell," says 18-year-old Martique Smith. "Unless they're stupid."
A pretty direct guy, Smith, of Upton, says girls are rarely confused about his intentions. "If I plan on going on a date, I say, 'Would you like to go on a date?' " he says. "I believe on being upfront."
But not everyone has that kind courage and confidence out of the gate. And, some daters are holding back as a point of strategy.
Justin Gilman, 21, of Owings Mills, for one, takes the cautious approach.
"There's definitely been confusion," he says of his dating encounters. Gilman says that he purposely likes to keep things vague on the initial meeting. But this poker-face ambiguity has its drawbacks.
"I'm really nervous and unsure and think twice about everything," he says. But he stands by his approach. If she's not interested, he says, then he at least had a good time just hanging out. To him, anything more is "a bonus."
Heather Henderson also likes to keep it casual. Her ideal date is conversation over coffee.
"When you first meet someone, you initially like them," says the 30-year-old from Mount Vernon, "but you want to get to know them better."
You don't want to be sitting through a six-course meal, nearly drowning in your gazpacho, when the cute grad student you're with ends up being more boring than your stamp-collecting great uncle.
But those casual dates are where the confusion starts. So, in absence of direct statements, many daters look to the tea leaves -- subtle but slippery signs of what's to come. So what are they?
"The other person is paying," Henderson says.
"Body language," Gilman says. "If they brush up against you."
"If things get a little more personal," says 24-year-old Patrick Lamond of Towson. "Usually the conversation gets more personal."
Smith says it's a date if the guy opens doors and pulls out seats.
All very valid suggestions. But they're not foolproof.
Which brings us back to asking. If you don't want to stew in indecision and innuendo, you have to be direct.
Dating coach Deanna Frazier agrees.
"Don't hold back," she says. "It's always about knowing what you want." Frazier says signs and games may seem like good idea in the short term, but never in the long run. Besides, you still have a 50 percent chance at success, she says.
It may be true that dating has become more casual, that there are more gray areas nowadays, but a lot of those gray areas are of our own making.
"You could always ask," Henderson says.
And then you would just know.