Slower pace at Greene Turtle

The Baltimore Sun

The Greene Turtle family is generally a loud, rambunctious bunch.

The one exception is the quieter cousin in Columbia. It opened last September in a frustratingly hard-to-find location, which is typical for the city.

On a recent Saturday night, when the Ocean City and Fells Point Greene Turtles were probably packed, the Columbia branch was comfortably full and surprisingly calm.

My buddy, Evan, and I walked in alongside a rough-looking, middle-aged fellow in a T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. The doorman pulled no-sleeves aside and repeatedly told him about the dress code until no-sleeves got the picture and bounced.

Shortly before 10 p.m., there were still plenty of unoccupied barstools. We grabbed two and ordered a couple of beers.

This Greene Turtle is a large, free-standing building, and looks to be bigger than the one in Ocean City. It sits in the same complex as a chain hamburger joint, Cheeburger Cheeburger. Outside, dark-green awnings stretch out over the windows, and above them, a large version of the bar's mascot dwarfs the words "The Greene Turtle."

The walls are brick, inside and out, and the ceiling is high. Flat-screen TVs and sports and beer memorabilia dot the walls. Some booths even have their own flat-screen TVs, which are kind of like the miniature jukeboxes in old diner booths but much better.

The place has a plastic feel, but that's to be expected. Not only is it new, but it's also a Greene Turtle, and none of the Greene Turtles is known for its awesome decor.

I ordered a plate of buffalo wings, which came out of the kitchen quickly but were cold in the middle. That's absolutely inexcusable in any sports bar -- let alone a name-brand local chain. I almost sent them back, but my hunger was too strong to resist.

Disregarding the buffalo-wing slipup, I found the service fairly sharp overall. It didn't take long for our bartender to offer refills, and she was pretty friendly.

The bar occupies the middle section of the building and divides the restaurant seating from the bar area. TVs are everywhere. Sports junkies should have a field day in the place.

While we were there, a DJ spun a bunch of '90s hits. But for me, the highlight of his set was Stevie Wonder's '70s hit "Superstition," which I never thought I'd hear at any Greene Turtle. He kept the music at a reasonable level.

When we left about 11:30 p.m., there still weren't many more people inside than when we got there. I was shocked. Even in Columbia, the Greene Turtle should be a beacon for young drinkers everywhere, I thought. They should line up outside, guzzle inside until they get obnoxious, hit on each other, stumble into each other, accidentally spill drinks on each other and not apologize. And then, when the night is over, spill out onto the street, fire up a Parliament Light and head home.

Then I realized how thankful I should be for a quiet night at any Greene Turtle.

If that night was any indication, the mobs of meatheads who frequent the Greene Turtles in Ocean City and Fells Point haven't found the Columbia branch yet. Maybe they won't. Wouldn't that be nice?

sam.sessa@baltsun.com

The Greene Turtle is at 8872 McGaw Road, Suite C, Columbia. Hours are 11 a.m.-2 a.m. daily. For more information, call 410-312-5255 or go to greeneturtle.com/columbia.

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