Not long after Chante Callaway and her boyfriend got engaged, they decided to move in together. They wanted to do a test run, to really get to know each other before they made the big jump.
"I was like, 'I feel I need to know you more,'" said the 28-year-old from Rosedale.
And a few months later, they did. So much so that they decided that they weren't marriage material -- for each other, anyway.
Whether they're deciding to get married, to move in together or even just to date exclusively, couples find themselves at a crossroads at least one time in their relationship. But sometimes it's hard to gain perspective when you're in the thick of a relationship. So how do you make a decision?
How do you decide whether to stay or to go?
When Qasim Simmons and his girlfriend were at a crossroads -- he got a job here, she was still in school in New York -- they had to figure out whether it was worth it to keep on keeping on, or to go their separate ways.
"It wouldn't be nice to make her move down here," he said. Simmons says the mutual decision -- which ultimately was to break up -- came down to three things. First, he said they had to take stock of where they were professionally.
Second, he had to ask himself if staying together while living apart was worth the risk. That is where most people get stuck.
"You make those kinds of changes and take those kinds of risks when you feel secure as an individual," says Audrey B. Chapman, a therapist based in Washington. "Because you have to feel like, no matter what happens, you can bounce back."
Chapman says too many people focus on the other person when they make major relationship decisions. But in her experience, she says, she finds that the best decisions are made when you honestly take stock of yourself.
"My theory is you cannot have a healthy relationship until you work with yourself first," she says, and see "how you're relating to yourself."
Once you know yourself, you can look at the relationship as a whole.
"I think instead of people pushing for commitment, they should be pushing for quality in a relationship," she says.
How do you measure quality?
Can you be more caring in your relationship? she says. Can you be more compassionate toward the other person? Is one person doing all the talking, forgiving, all the problem-solving, and the other person isn't doing anything?
Simmons says that is key. When one person is leaning toward the exit, the other person is likely to make all sorts of promises to change his or her ways. But that's a trap, he says.
Just because your messy girlfriend says she won't be a slob when you move in together doesn't mean she will become Martha Stewart. Or just because your boyfriend says he'll have a rosier outlook on commitment in two months doesn't mean he will be running out to get a ring.
"Relationships are always going to be confusing if you base it on what someone says," Chapman says.
After all the soul-searching and relationship analysis, when you're at a crossroads, it ultimately comes down to one thing -- the third thing on Simmons' list -- love.
Astarte Daley, 23, of Bolton Hill moved to Baltimore to go to graduate school. But her live-in boyfriend was already in school in Florida, so there was no chance of him moving with her. For Daley, their decision came down to one big question.
"What I hate about you most ... let's multiply that by 30," she says. "When I roll over in bed ... [30 years later], how will I feel about you? Will I respect you enough? Do we have enough respect and love [for me]?"
And for her, there was no other choice than to stay together, even if they have to live apart for now.
Says Daley, "We love each other."