Robin Williams as a marriage counselor. Funny idea? If you think so, then License to Wed still isn't funny. But at least the idea appeals to you.
The rest of us will be hard-pressed to find anything praiseworthy about a film that's an early favorite for worst comedy of the year. Williams, as a priest who forces his couples to pass an emotionally sadistic wedding-preparation course before exchanging their vows, completes his descent from innovative comic to cringe-inducing self-parody.
Mandy Moore, as the female half of our couple-to-be, could not be more adorable or engaging, but is woefully unprepared to carry a film alone. And The Office's John Krasinski, as the male half of the couple, limits his acting to an open-mouthed stare that signifies both befuddlement and despair. In keeping with the rest of the film, it isn't funny. But that look may be mirrored by much of the audience.
At least it's not like the filmmakers are wasting much in the way of potential; the plot is as formulaic as possible. It's hard to think of a better example of filmmakers living collectively down to their potential.
Krasinski plays Ben Murphy, a shy, inoffensive type who strikes pay dirt when he encounters the beguiling Sadie Jones (Moore). A little verbal interplay and some cute dates later, Ben pops the question, using her parents' anniversary party as the backdrop. Gosh, how picturesque!
Sadie, of course, squeals "yes," and it's off to wedding-planning hell, that endlessly cliched nightmare where the woman obsesses over the details while her schlub boyfriend just can't get with the program. How ever will these two kids make it as a couple if they can't even agree on a color for the china?
That's where Williams' Father Frank comes in. He's the pastor of Sadie's neighborhood church. It's been years since she set foot in the place, but she simply must get married there. Which is OK by Father Frank (unlike the minister at my church, who has been known to remind his parish that church isn't just a handy place for a wedding), so long as she and Ben pass his course.
Of course, the movie begs the question: How many of us would really want to be married by a priest who acts like Robin Williams, much less Robin Williams doing his best tribute to Jerry Lewis? Not many, one would hope. Me, the last thing I'd want for my wedding is to live in fear the celebrant would break into an Elmer Fudd impersonation at any moment.
As for the course, most of the "trials" he puts his prospective couples through - many of which involve his eavesdropping to ensure they don't violate his prohibition on sex until after the wedding - would land him in jail. Making the couple lug around a pair of robotic infants, so we can "laugh" as Ben beats their heads against a counter to stop them from crying? Sticking poor Ben in front of his prospective in-laws and forcing him to say unflattering things about them? Having Sadie drive blindfolded, with only Ben's frantic instructions to guide her, as a way of building trust?
Unfortunately, none of this plays any funnier than it sounds. In fact, the only thing funny about License to Wed is the idea that a major Hollywood studio thought this was a project worth investing in.
chris.kaltenbach@baltsun.com