Let's face it, love is an act of great faith.
To even pursue love, you must have hope that someday you will meet someone who makes you twitterpated. Then you have to hope that the interest will be reciprocated. If you're lucky, that spark will be so great that a first date will follow, perhaps a second, a third and then, maybe, serious coupledom.
But it's a gamble. There are no guarantees - regardless of whether you seek out that special someone on your own or you pay a service to make some introductions.
Such cold, hard truths provided little comfort to Todd Tadkowski, a 50-year-old retired biotechnology rep in Columbia who called to complain about his experience with It's Just Lunch (IJL) Baltimore, a dating service based in California with franchises across the country.
Back in December, Tadkowski found the company on the Internet and decided to join. For a $200 nonrefundable fee, IJL staffers interviewed Tadkowski to get his vitals and details about what he's looking for in a date. His response: a tall, slender woman in good shape and preferably a blonde or redhead.
"I've got a Ph.D., so I wanted her to have a college education, too," Tadkowski said. "I asked them if they have plenty of women in the Baltimore and Columbia area who are members. They said there were plenty."
According to the IJL Web site, "first date experts minimize stress and maximize efficiency by working with your busy schedule to coordinate lunch, brunch or drinks after work as a fun way to meet some of the incredible single professionals living in the Baltimore area."
IJL does all the work. It picks a match, coordinates schedules and books reservations, so all you have to do is show up. "With over 750,000 people in 'Charm City' our area your pick of quality, single professionals is unlimited," the Web site says.
Sound good? Tadkowski thought so. He plunked $1,100 down to get set up with six dates.
The first three dates took place at Clyde's in Columbia. No. 1 was "educated and beautiful." No. 2 was "drop-dead gorgeous." No. 3 was a "beautiful person." They talked for hours and hours.
"They gave me three beautiful dates," Tadkowski said, gushing. "I didn't get a second date. I don't know why."
Then, in February, Tadkowski said he called IJL's offices and was told the franchise was under new management.
"Everything went downhill from there," Tadkowski said.
Date No. 4 took place at the Ellicott Mills Brew Pub in Ellicott City. Or it was supposed to: Tadkowski said he sat for an hour before he realized she was a no-show.
'On hold'
Date No. 5 canceled because of inclement weather and then told him the next day that she was "on hold," IJL parlance for "not available for dating now."
Date No. 6 at the Tomato Palace in Columbia was a "total mismatch. All she talked about was her dog and cat."
"I called IJL and told them I wasn't pleased with my last three dates," Tadkowski said. "They couldn't match Adam to Eve. I told them I don't think they have the clientele to fix their members up. I was extremely dissatisfied and I wanted my money back."
As a result, IJL sent Tadkowski a refund of $566, without intervention from me or anyone else.
"We did not give Todd a refund because of happiness or lack of happiness. ... We are not obligated to give anyone's money back," said Nancy Kirsch, senior vice president for the corporate IJL office. "But we felt at that point, it was best for Todd to not be a client. We didn't feel we could meet a client's expectations for what they were looking for."
Terms met
Tadkowski is glad he got part of his money back, but he wants a public IJL drubbing. Too bad I can't help him out. In this case, the company did all it was contractually obligated to do.
When it comes to enlisting the use of a dating service, it's all on you, dear consumer, to ask plenty of questions up front, read and understand the contract, and keep your expectations in check.
Because there is no specific law that regulates dating services, such businesses operate without oversight, according to Stephen D. Hannan, an administrator in the Howard County Office of Consumer Affairs.
"If you decide to use a dating service, you have to decide that you're paying money for something that you don't know what you're going to get," Hannan said. "You're taking a leap of faith that they've got a good selection of people in their inventory and that they are people you want to date. Even if the company answers all your questions, you have no idea if they're telling you the truth."
Kirsch said IJL's Baltimore office has been open since 1998 and that there are 500 IJL members in the area - not quite the Web site boast that with 750,000 people in the area "your pick of quality, single professionals is unlimited." That's misleading, to be sure.
It could be true that the Baltimore area has hundreds of thousands of single people. The reality is that only a tiny fraction of that number belong to IJL. It's disingenuous of IJL to let future clients believe that the prospective pool is larger than it really is. (I didn't ask, but you should inquire about the male-to-female ratio of that 500, too.)
It could also be true that about half of IJL clients nationwide end up going out on second dates with matches, as it says - but that's certainly no guarantee you'll get a second date.
'It's up to you'
"You're going to meet six professional people in your area that fall into the parameters that we've spoken about. After that, if the two of you want to see each other again, it's up to you," Kirsch said. "Part of dating is that you're not going to love every date you go out with and certainly not every date is going to love you. We can't control that."
IJL does not guarantee refunds and there aren't any cancellation rights for clients, Kirsch said. According to the contract, "If despite IJL's efforts, IJL is unable to provide a client with the number of introductions agreed to under the client's membership, then at IJL's election, all remaining money will be refunded at a prorated basis, less a $200 interview processing charge."
It also says, "Termination is solely at IJL's discretion and no refund will be made of monies previously paid by client."
Got money back
Given those answers, Tadkowski might consider himself lucky that he received a refund at all. The company should get some credit for returning some of Tadkowski's money; technically, IJL could easily have kept his money and tried setting him up with other dates to make up for the two no-shows.
Whether he ended up liking the dates is beside the point. While the contract entitled him to an introduction, it didn't give him the right to expect much else.
Sadly, the game of love is like that sometimes.
Reach Consuming Interests by e-mail at consuminginterests@baltsun.com or by phone at 410-332-6151. Find an archive of Consuming Interest columns at baltimoresun.com/consuming.
Choosing a dating service
Research, research, research. Find news stories about the history of the company. Several different Web sites will offer up complaints from previous clients and employees.
Check to see how long the company has been around. Ask for at least three referrals.
Schedule an interview with a company representative.
Find out what services you should expect in exchange for your money, including how many introductions you get, the average length of time it will take to make the introductions and how close a match you can expect.
What does the basic fee provide? Are there any additional fees or costs?
Does the company have a proven success rate?
How long is the contract valid? Will the contract be automatically renewed or do you have to sign up again when it expires?
What security measures and confidentiality policies are applied before your information is released to potential dates?
Look for cancellation rights and refund policies in the contract. If one is not stated, ask for one in writing. Know what your recourse is if you're dissatisfied with services.
[ Source: Better Business Bureau]