Grind - if you don't know the word, as it relates to skateboarding, you won't like the movie.
It's a sport and a subculture with an ethos and a lingo all its own. "You really tweaked that method to fakie, bro."
And you and me are, like, "Dude, where's my subtitles?"
Grind looks to have cost about 700 bucks and could have been shot during a long weekend. Certainly that's more time and money than was invested in the script.
It's a skateboard road-trip picture about four dudes from Chicago who drive and skate their way west at the end of their high school education. Every stop along the way looks like L.A., but that's nitpicking.
There's the ambitious Eric, who dreams of turning pro, and Dustin, who has been saving for college and should know better. Matt is the generic gross guy in this teen-formula comedy. And Sweet Lou is the dude with the ride, the van that will allow them to live and ride their dream.
Mike Vogel of Grounded for Life plays the blandly blond lead, Eric. Adam Brody of Gilmore Girls is uptight Dustin. Joey Kern tries to channel the young Dazed and Confused Matthew McConaughey as Sweet Lou. And Vince Vieluf of Rat Race is the gross and grosser Matt.
They're chasing a ritzy bus tour of pro skaters hither and yon, trying to get noticed, trying to get signed to a sponsorship. At every turn, they run into an obnoxious adult or some boarder who has already been signed who is there to tell them, "It'll never happen." Ahh, but they haven't seen the finale, a skate-off challenge in Santa Monica that is, unlike the rest of the movie, expertly staged and filmed.
The documentary Dogtown and Z-Boys invited outsiders into this culture and its history. Grind has no such pretensions. You're in or you're out; you either get it or you don't.
What you get is lots of skateboarding, shot from the waist down to not give away the stunt-skaters; scores of nubile groupies; flatulence and other toilet jokes.
It looks like junk and even the few laughs there feel like junk laughs. Even the outtakes stink. Which invites a question - why would anybody waste money on this when they could be out grinding on their own?
The Orlando Sentinel is a Tribune Publishing newspaper.
Starring Mike Vogel, Vince Vieluf, Adam Brody, Joey Kern, Jennifer Morrison
Directed by Casey La Scala
Rated PG-13 (crude humor, sexual content, language)
Released by Warner Bros.
Time 97 minutes
Sun Score *1/2