IN THE MOVIE "Babe," Ferdinand the goose offers a lamentation for the season:

"Christmas," he groans, "means carnage."

And not just for those noble souls headed for a platter. We're not all going to be cooked literally, but by the end of the shopping and eating and toasting and small-talking, we're cooked spiritually and physically.

Yes, of course, celebrating with friends and family -- sharing memories, observing traditions and feasting without restraint -- are joyous. But the most wonderful time of the year? Maybe not.

Memories can bring pain. Death, divorce, separation and any number of other personal traumas can be doubly devastating at Christmas because we're supposed to be so happy. One can feel almost alien, an outsider, a traitor to custom.

It's not a new or hopeless situation. Psychologists, social workers, pastors and others have been dealing with it forever, ministering to those who feel seriously blue. There ought to be considerable sympathy -- and would be more if people weren't afraid to break with convention and admit how they feel.

It's therapeutic, no doubt, to talk about it. And some support groups do a fine job of offering solace -- something some of them do all year round, not just at Christmas. The pain of loss doesn't arrive with tree trimming or fade when the tree comes down.

Friends of Mercy is one of these sustaining groups. Organized 15 years ago by Sister of Mercy nun M. Joannes Clifford, the group meets regularly at Mercy High School. Recently, they convened for a talk by the Rev. Joseph Breighner, a columnist for the Catholic Review, pastoral counselor and a bit of a standup comic.

Playing off the 12 days of Christmas, Father Breighner offers a dozen ways to rise above seasonal depression.

If grieving intensifies at Christmas, he advised, don't deny it. Grieve. And if you see someone else grieving, don't tell them to get over it. That's not helpful.

Among his prescriptions: Don't deny reality. "Everybody's frantic," he says, with so much rushing about, so much spending or pressure to spend, so much drinking and eating. Add to that the awkwardness of fitting broken families together and you may have a formula for feeling down. It can make you crazy -- crazier still if you pretend it's not happening.

Be grateful for the life you have, changed though it may be, and realize its potential. Be open to new possibilities for growth, for doing with your life what you always wanted to do.

In the end, if you find a way to keep the blues at bay, Christmas may offer opportunity for a new life.

What a gift that would be.