QUICK! HOW do you get not one, but two lawyers to work for you, and pro bono at that?

Why, be a juvenile offender, of course.

At least that's the take of Mark and Cheryl Lecates, a Hampden couple whose 12-year-old daughter was shot in the mouth with a BB gun last month.

As far as the Lecates are concerned, the 14-year-old accused perpetrator of the act had two attorneys. One was from the public defender's office. The other was from the state's attorney's office, which, in theory, was supposed to have the back of Kristen Lecates, the victim of the crime.

On Nov. 19, Kristen was on safety patrol duty at St. Thomas Aquinas School, which was dismissing students at about 3 p.m. A Maryland Transit Administration bus drove by the school at 37th Street and Roland Avenue after picking up pupils from nearby Robert Poole Middle School.

A boy who had fired at a crossing guard only moments before and missed, fired three more times, hitting Kristen and two other St. Thomas Aquinas pupils. Kristen's mother and father, both working parents, had to rush home from their jobs to take her to the hospital.

It was Cheryl Lecates who talked to folks at the state's attorney's office after the shooting. She was not impressed. The justifiably ticked-off mom was first told, she said, that "We're not into punishing juveniles. We're into rehabilitation."

When the office that's supposed to work for the victims takes this approach, you expect things to go downhill from there. According to Cheryl Lecates, they did, with her and Bethany Durand of the state's attorney's office engaging in an exchange that the Hampden woman says ended with Durand telling her, "I don't have the time to give you a lesson in law."

Margaret Burns, a spokeswoman for the state's attorney's office, disputed Cheryl Lecates' account.

"This is not an accurate characterization of the level of professionalism and sensitivity embraced by prosecutors in the state's attorney's office when working with victims of crime," Burns said. "This statement is inflammatory and not accurate." Burns says Durand had discussed the case with Cheryl Lecates for 45 minutes when the prosecutor noticed she had to be in court or be held in contempt.

"The termination of the call was not as brusque as indicated," Burns said, adding that Durand stressed she would have been happy to give Cheryl Lecates a return call.

The unhappy mom was not impressed with Burns' explanation.

"They were not sensitive to us at all," Cheryl Lecates said when told of Burns' remark about sensitivity. "They did not consider our feelings."

Cheryl Lecates was talking about not only the days after the shooting, but the hearing for the perp, which was held Thursday.

The juvenile offender was offered a plea bargain. Most of the charges -- which included first-degree aggravated assault, second-degree aggravated assault, possession of a weapon and discharging a BB gun within city limits -- were dismissed. Two counts of second-degree aggravated assault remained. Cheryl Lecates said she, her husband and the mother of another victim waited three hours while the juvenile made up his mind to accept the plea.

The youth will be sentenced Jan. 14. His induction into the Royal Order of the Slapped Wrist awaits him.

"We were more frustrated today than before we got down there," Cheryl Lecates said of the experience in juvenile court.

Mark Lecates believes his two daughters -- his 10-year-old Courtney became hysterical when she heard Kristen had been shot -- and other St. Thomas Aquinas children are still being punished.

"They didn't walk in the [Mayor's Christmas] parade [in Hampden] because they're still scared," Mark Lecates said.

That parade was held a week ago, nearly three weeks after the incident. For the perp, there will probably be no punishment, juvenile justice being what it is in this town. Cheryl Lecates would like to see the boy spend a couple of weeks in the Hickey School "to see he just can't hurt people."

A robust caning, like the kind handed out in Singapore, would go a long way toward reducing juvenile crime. But that won't get around the Eighth Amendment. Just as effective would be a first-time offender arriving in a minimum-security facility, being led to the largest latrine and then having someone hand him a toothbrush and saying, "All right, scrub it."

The Lecateses and their daughters just got a sobering lesson about juvenile crime in this town. Seek no redress if you're a victim.

It's all about the perps.