WHEN YOUR son brings home a good report card and you reward him with cash or a new video game, you may be sabotaging his future successes.
That is the view of Eva Skrenta, a parent-educator with the Adler-Dreikurs Parenting Program. On Saturday, Skrenta will discuss the importance of encouragement vs. rewards and praise at a workshop planned at Slayton House.
"If you feel you need to reward the child with candy or a toy, it says you don't really think they'll do the job for its own sake. I know there are kids who expect to be rewarded if they don't misbehave during the day," Skrenta said.
"We believe people need to do what needs to be done without any expectation for reward. It's a value system that we teach," she explained.
Skrenta, of Wilde Lake, has two sons, born 18 months apart. When her sons presented challenges with sibling rivalry and potty training, Skrenta sought help from the Adler-Dreikurs Institute at Bowie State University. What she learned through the program made sense to her as a parent.
"It really opened my eyes. It helped me with my kids' fighting. It really worked," Skrenta said.
Skrenta earned a master's degree in education, guidance and counseling from the Adler-Dreikurs Institute at Bowie State in 1977. She began teaching classes for parents 29 years ago.
The courses she teaches are based on the principles of democratic parenting.
"We believe that every individual has the right to dignity and respect, and that includes children," Skrenta said. "We don't use any kind of violence, whether physical or verbal. We use a system of discipline that is based on natural and logical consequences."
Skrenta said that if she could offer only one piece of advice to parents, it would be to establish a special time for each child. But Skrenta acknowledges that can be difficult, especially with teen-agers.
"It gets a little tricky because teen-agers don't even want to know you," she said.
Once a month, invite your teen-ager out for pizza, Skrenta suggests. During your conversation, don't be judgmental. "If their friends show up, don't say too much. You'll embarrass them. If parents are discouraged by the attitude of their children, hold out some hope," she said. "When they reach the age of 25, they want to hang out with you."
The seminar on encouragement vs. rewards and praise begins at 9:30 a.m. The cost is $15 a person, $22 a couple. Advance registration is required.
Information: 410-730-6371 or 410-730-3987.
'Nutcracker on Ice'
The Columbia Figure Skating Club will perform Nutcracker on Ice at Columbia Ice Rink and Gardens Ice House in Laurel over the next two weekends. This holiday favorite features skaters of all ages, including two national-level figure-skating competitors.
"We have some top-level skaters, but we're also trying to create opportunities for a range of skaters, including Special Olympics skaters," said Joan Rosenhower, one of the show's directors.
Guest star Kurt Fromknecht, who will compete in the U.S. National Championship next month, will perform in the role of the Prince. Paul Tran, 13, who is competing in the U.S. Figure Skating Association Junior National Championship this week, is one of the skaters performing the role of the Nutcracker.
West Columbia skaters who will perform in the show are Courtney Bibbs, Arissa Falat, Cheyenne Falat, Lad Falat, Nicole Lawrence, Mark Mangus Jr., Jaime O'Donnell, Alyssa Perrone, Brennah Rosenthal, Loren Scolaro, Alison Smith, Sarah Smith, Lindsay Sperling, Tom Sperling, Kristen Tessmer, Caryl Winter, Pamela Winter, Rachel Winter and Sara Yasenka.
Pat Muth is artistic director for the show. She originated the program for the figure skating club in 1991.
"The skating quality is unbelievable. In the beginning, it was more like a recital," she said. "Now it's a full-fledged show."
Nutcracker on Ice will be performed twice Sunday at Columbia Ice Rink. Show times are 4:45 p.m. and 6 p.m. Tickets are $8 and should be purchased in advance. Tickets: 410-813-4026.
On Dec. 21, the show moves to Gardens Ice House in Laurel for two performances, at 3 p.m. and 4:30 p.m. Tickets cost $8. Tickets: 301-953-0100, Ext. 102.
An elegant tea
Tea is offered at Historic Oakland from 4:30 p.m. to 6 p.m. Thursday or Monday.
Tickets are $12.60 each. Advance registration is required.
Information: 410-730-4801.