Fifty years ago, Ladies' Home Journal introduced what would become the most recognized magazine feature ever: "Can This Marriage Be Saved?"

At first glance, it might have seemed a gossipy, neighborhood scandal kind of attraction. But over time, it helped introduced the nascent idea of marriage counseling.

Half a century later, the format remains the same: he said, she said, and the counselor's advice.

Readers have always been entertained by the dilemmas of these anonymous couples, but the column has been teaching the kinds of relationship skills readers can apply to their own marriages.

To celebrate the longevity of "Can This Marriage Be Saved," the editors of Ladies' Home Journal have published a compendium of the best lessons learned, titled The Seven Secrets of a Happy Marriage.

Couples' stories and counselors' advice illustrate the elements of a successful marriage:

1. Be honest and nurture the trust between you. It is the bedrock of any relationship.

2. Keep communicating, and realize that also means listening.

3. Anger isn't the problem. How you handle it is. Fight fair.

4. The battle for control is often fought with the checkbook or in the bedroom. But power struggles can be found in every corner of marriage. The only way to avoid them is to accept each other fully, without competing, criticizing or blaming.

5. Money matters are the No. 1 trigger for all kinds of marital trouble. Understand that money is often a symbol for something else, such as power, security, accomplishment or love. Keep money matters out in the open and in perspective.

6. Make your sex life a priority. Problems in this area often reflect problems elsewhere, and ignoring them can be disastrous.

7. Don't let the kids overwhelm your marriage. Be partners, not adversaries. It will strengthen the bond between you, and it is good for the kids to see.

"Can This Marriage Be Saved?" began at a time when marriage was beginning to change. The roles of husband as breadwinner and wife as homemaker were in flux, and discontent and confusion were the result.

LHJ's counselors were ahead of the curve in saying that full-

time homemaking may not be suited to all women and that wives should not have to put up with absent and domineering men.

In his introduction to the book, David Popenoe, whose father was the first professional counselor to collaborate on the feature, points out that the institution of marriage continues to be buffeted -- by the sexual revolution, by feminism and by the fact that almost every woman will be employed outside the home sometime during her married life.

And, says Popenoe, the co-director of the National Marriage Project, marriage has ceased to be a union of families held together by religious and societal taboos.

"Today, we look for a best friend, a soul mate, who will make us feel emotionally fulfilled," he writes.

That marriage is now based on such an amorphous definition of happiness is one reason why it has become such a fragile institution, he says.

Author Margery Rosen has been writing and editing this feature for the past 20 years.

"In that time, we, like the rest of the country, have become much more open about discussing issues that used to be hidden in the closet -- like incest, drug addition, alcoholism -- as well as the benefits of medication in helping people cope with problems.

"Hopefully, the column has lessened some of the stigma about that," she said in an interview.

"We've also seen more men come for counseling -- and be the ones to suggest it."

Disturbing to Rosen is the fact that divorce is more of an option now than it has ever been.

"In the past, couples would stay together for the sake of the kids. Now, some refuse to do that -- which may or may not be a good thing in many cases."

Are there marriages that can't be saved? Yes, says Rosen.

"Those in which abuse of any kind is present and the abuser refuses to acknowledge his actions, or change."

But overall, a marriage might be saved with the skills pioneered in this column: good communication and conflict resolution.

And, after husband and wife have spoken, the comments of a good counselor.

[See Reimer, 4n]