Over the years, the French have gotten a pretty bad rap as an arrogant bunch. Think, for example, of the raspberry-spitting French knight who so cruelly dismissed King Arthur and his knights in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Well, as far as I'm concerned, any group that can turn out such fine food and wine can taunt me all they want, as long as the courses keep coming, the libations flow and the dessert cart moves toward my table as if it's rounding the bend at Le Mans.
Bonaparte Breads does not have the wine, unfortunately. But it does have the food, especially the desserts. So whiling away a chilly afternoon with a pastry or 12 and some steaming coffee in either of the bakery-cafe's Baltimore locations is a brilliant activity.
Both overlook the harbor: The cozy Eastern Avenue eatery is in the Pier 5 Hotel downtown; the sleek-looking Ann Street site is in Fells Point.
The virtuous can eat breakfast or lunch before the sweets. The major difference between Bonaparte in the Pier 5 Hotel and the restaurant in Fells Point is that the former offers a full breakfast, while the latter serves a few items that can be put together to make a breakfast meal. Both serve lunch; Pier Five closes at 4 p.m., and Fells Point extends into the dinner hour by closing at 6 p.m.
The menus aren't extensive. Pier Five has two options for the morning meal: a small continental version and a larger one of two eggs, two slices of bacon or excellent herb-laced sausage, yogurt, fruit and two elegant carres (rolls). For lunch, it offers about 10 sandwiches, two quiches and a cheese plate.
We tried the full breakfast and thought everything was fine, with the exception of two dry scrambled eggs folded like an omelet and yogurt served in its plastic container. The warm, elegant carres were comparable to perfectly shaped beaten biscuits, albeit lighter than those we have here. The fruit array was also good: red and green grapes, sliced cantaloupe, orange slices, banana halves and strawberries too sweet to be believed in November.
Bonaparte's expertise lies in baking, evidenced in buttery, thick quiche crusts that I would have gladly consumed even if they'd had no filling. That said, the filling in the quiche Lorraine was certainly worth having, with its tiny, lean squares of ham and tangy cheese.
If anyone needs more proof of Bonaparte's baking prowess, one sandwich should do it. We got two, and each featured a bona fide French baguette, nicely chewy. One sandwich came with very lean prosciutto, paper-thin slices of tomatoes and mozzarella. The other, quite similar, replaced the meat with basil.
Now, on to the sweets -- flawless French pastries so good-looking you hate to eat them. Imagine a glistening rectangular tart of meticulously aligned sliced apples and a raspberry linzer filled with berries so perfect that even Monty Python's berry spitter would love them.
The tart was sublime: soft and sweet, with just a little tangy kick of lemon. The linzer went in the other direction. It was tangy throughout, with just enough sugar in the sauce and butter in the crust to soften the overall effect.
On the unpleasant side, the service at both locations was almost nonexistent.
In Fells Point, we floundered as we tried to find menus and where to get service (at the counter, FYI).
The Pier 5 place had menus out, but nobody around to seat us in the room or on the deck outside. The one waitress on duty was pleasant, yet hopelessly overwhelmed. She delivered food fast enough, but never returned with the check, let alone coffee refills.
The experience brought to mind something Napoleon Bonaparte himself once told an aide: "You can ask me for anything you like, except time."
Bonaparte Breads
Where: 711 Eastern Ave. and 903 S. Ann St.
Open: For breakfast, lunch and (Ann Street only) early dinner
Prices: Entrees $6.50 to $9.50
Credit cards: MC, V
Call: 410-528-1544 (Eastern Avenue); 410-342-4000 (Ann Street)
Food: * * *
Service: *
Atmosphere: * * *
Excellent * * * *; Good * * *; Fair * *; Poor *
CORRECTION: Al's Seafood Restaurant, reviewed Oct. 24, is not in Fells Point. It's located at 1551 Eastern Blvd. in Middle River.