You have to wonder about the 17 million viewers who watched the premiere of ABC's new sitcom 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter. They were probably dads looking for help.

In the series, John Ritter plays a sportswriter whose two daughters are just starting to go out with boys. It's a funny concept for a show, but in real life?

Major stress for the father.

It's not the teen-age boys who need the rules. It's the fathers of the teen-age daughters. They have to figure out how to balance trusting their child with protecting her. The world out there was hazardous when they were teen-age boys, and it's gotten worse. Add AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, date rape and designer drugs to pregnancy, alcohol and speeding cars.

"It was scary when she first started dating," says Brooklyn Park resident Danny Nislein, whose 16-year-old daughter Marlene has a steady boyfriend now. "I kept thinking I had plenty of time."

Your baby girl goes on her first date, and suddenly she's not your baby girl anymore. Do you talk to her about sex or hope she doesn't find out about it? What about insisting on meeting the boy? If you do, you'll have to have a conversation with a 15-year-old boy and not mention his nose ring, which could be, like, difficult.

"Fathers are in a real tough position," says humorist W. Bruce Cameron, who wrote the best-selling book that inspired the TV show. (It's also called 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter.) "We're aware we have to communicate to our daughters what it's like in the real world. We have to help them grow up. On the other hand, we don't want them to grow up."

Both his daughters are older now, so he ought to have some advice for other dads.

What worked best for you, Mr. Cameron?

"Nothing."

But Cameron survived his daughters' adolescence, as do most dads. So often, he says, what gets lost in the dialogue between fathers and teen-age daughters is that they love each other. A lot, maybe all, depends on the kind of relationship you had with them before they reached puberty.

"Everything starts with how you've been handling things all along," says family therapist Frederick Strieder, an associate professor at the University of Maryland. Strieder, who has a 12 1/2 -year-old daughter, believes there have to be rules and structure but also flexibility. He hopes fathers realize it's OK to change their minds about a decision they aren't comfortable with or a rule that isn't working.

Some fathers who take a conservative approach actually do have eight rules about dating, if not more. These dads argue that their teen-ager is secretly relieved to have limits that she can use as an excuse against peer pressure. Others feel that setting rules sends a negative message about trust. Either approach -- and some in between -- can work, depending on how the dads and daughters get along.

The non-rule-maker

Towson lawyer Jason Frank, 47, likes to quote the father in the movie Clueless, who says to the boy who's picking up his daughter: "If anything happens to her, I got a .45 and a shovel. I don't think you'll be missed."

But actually, Frank is a softie when it comes to his daughters Emily, 16, and Abigail, 14 (who hasn't really started dating yet). For one thing, most dates aren't one-on-one, but group events. He's met all the boys Emily has gone out with and says he gets along with them fine.

When asked if he sets rules, he grins and says, "I try not to." Emily, he says, believes it's a reverse psychology technique: If he doesn't seem to be against her going out on dates, she won't be as likely to.

"There are nasty things out there," he says, "Being honest about that is OK. But I don't pretend I was an angel. If they smell hypocrisy, you lose. That destroys your whole case."

You can't indulge in adult relationships without going through the adolescent ones, he adds. "I'm more afraid about her getting killed in a car accident than kissing the wrong boy."

Learning from the past

Joe Kelly, a founder of dadsanddaughters.org (a nonprofit organization that addresses the challenges of fathers raising daughters) likes the idea of men using their own experiences in dealing with teen-age daughters and their boyfriends. Of course, what probably springs to mind first is "raging hormones." He suggests getting beyond that.

"Look to your own adolescence," says Kelly, the executive director of the Duluth, Minn.-based organization. "All of it. Tell her stories: the excitement of your first love from a boy's point of view. As the first man in her life, you set the standard. That's what she'll look for in a boy."

The benefits of sharing your own experiences are twofold, he says. It gives her valuable information to help her separate the good guys from the jerks, and it reminds you that not all teen-age guys are jerks.

Kelly also didn't focus just on boyfriends when his twin daughters were teen-agers. (They're now in college.) "I tried to make it a practice to know all their friends."

Rules pave the way

Not all fathers are going to be comfortable with not setting rules when their daughters start to date. Tom Coplin, 50, a Baltimore City administrator, characterizes himself as a conservative parent; but his daughter, Jameka, now 20 and in college, doesn't seem to mind.

"I joke with my daughter that any new guy she goes out with she has to bring home to pass inspection," Coplin says. He finds out what these young men do, who their families are and where they live.

Jameka had permission to start dating at 15, he says. She had boys over but didn't really start going out until she was 17. Coplin always made it a point to meet the young men and tried to be friendly, even when it was rough going.

"So many of them seem so clueless about social graces," he says, mentioning boys who didn't bother to say hello when they phoned for his daughter or who raided his fridge without asking.

Disapproval doesn't work, he found -- not that he has really approved of anyone yet. "I understand now how my father-in-law felt when my wife brought me home for the first time."

Coplin advises having a frank talk about sexually transmitted diseases and contraception.

When his daughter is going out, he likes to get the details of where she'll be and who the crowd is. He believes in curfews and accepts the fact that kids will always push them to the last minute.

And he has his soft side, too. "Some guy broke her heart. It was a puppy love thing. Suddenly he's not there and they're crushed. Just be there when they cry."

Meeting in the middle

Fathers these days have one thing to be grateful for: Most kids start going out in coed groups before they start dating one person.

In fact, some fathers approach one-on-one dating in stages, starting with the group event.

"What do you consider dating?" asks Danny Nislein, 36, of Brooklyn Park. When his daughter moved past the group-dating stage, having a boyfriend meant she saw him at school and talked to him on the phone. Once there were actual dates, Nislein and his wife had certain rules like "no car dates" and "no movies." Everything was kept low key at first, he says.

"We have a lot of trust and faith in our daughter," he adds. But there are still rules. If Marlene goes to a boy's home, for instance, she calls and Nislein speaks to the boy's parents to make sure they're there.

Her father also has final say on what she walks out of the house wearing. This summer, the family went shopping together. Marlene spent two hours trying on swimsuits, and he vetoed many of the choices.

"I've seen guys my age looking at my daughter in the mall," he says. "It makes me more alert."

Maybe the most difficult thing for fathers to realize is that in the end they can't really protect their child. Cameron believes parents get so angry when their teen-agers violate their rules because they always made rules to keep their daughters safe when they were little girls, and that isn't working anymore.

"We have to realize they have to try some things or they'll never grow up," he says, "and then we will have failed in our primary responsibility."

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

-- From 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter by W. Bruce Cameron (Workman, 2001)

1. If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.

2. Do not touch my daughter in front of me. You can look at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.

3. You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.

4. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

5. You may feel that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

6. Once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

7. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, please do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movies, you should not be dating. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

8. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; places lacking parents, policeman, or nuns; places where there is darkness; places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness; places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose-down parka zipped up to her chin.

8 Simple Rules for Having a Teenage Daughter Who Dates

(Advice from the experts -- i.e., the dads)

1. Make sure she knows what your values are long before she's a teen-ager.

2. Decide with your wife what your rules will be so you can present a united front.

3. Speak frankly about your concerns -- drugs, sex, rock and roll. Whatever.

4. Remember it's OK to change your mind if you aren't comfortable with a decision you've made.

5. Share your experiences of being an adolescent guy just starting to date.

6. Listen.

7. Realize that your disapproval will only make him more desirable than Brad Pitt.

8. Try to keep some laughter in the relationship, even when the going gets rough.