Ever wonder what would have happened if Tootsie had been set in the WNBA?
Me neither. But for a look at what might have been, provided the filmmakers dispensed with such trivialities as humor, insight and any thought beyond the level of banal, be sure and check out Juwanna Mann.
Miguel A. Nunez Jr. starts off the film as Jamal Jeffries, an insufferable hot dog of an NBA superstar who knows two things deep down in his soul: He's the best player in the league (he just may be), and the league can't make it without him (of course it can). That mindset leads to some brutally boorish behavior - even by NBA standards - that eventually lands him an indefinite suspension.
Poor Jamal; the first of the film's many miscalculations is that we're supposed to feel at least a little sorry for this guy. Hey, if anyone ever got what was coming to him, it's Jamal Jeffries. But after realizing his gravy train has left him behind - and that includes his girlfriend, played by Lil' Kim and her cleavage - he desperately searches for a way to keep making a living at hoops.
Then, one day, he watches a young girl showing off her moves on the court. Of course! he realizes.
A pair of shaved legs, a couple of falsies and one wig later, Juwanna Mann is dominating the WNBA. Problem is, Juwanna is still Jamal, only in another league: He/she is still a hot dog for whom team play is anathema, he/she still doesn't give a hoot about his/her teammates, and he/she remains strangely deaf when it comes to hearing his/her coach.
What to do, what to do?
How about having Juwanna/Jamal take a liking to the team's star player, Michelle (Vivica A. Fox, once again better than her material)? To win her approval, Juwanna/Jamal is going to have to learn teamwork, and maybe even let the more caring, nurturing side of him/her come out.
If all this sounds rote, it is. Not to mention idiotic and frequently offensive, especially the movie's treatment of the team's center, who hails from Eastern Europe, shaves her upper lip and displays other masculine characteristics. Har, har.
Miguel A. Nunez, despite his flair for physical comedy, never looks like anything more than a guy in drag, and Jamal/Juwanna's change of heart, the one that turns him/her into a team player, happens with all the motivation and drama of a light bulb being flicked on. And director Jesse Vaughan infuses the movie's basketball scenes with all verve of someone shooting from the stands with a camcorder.
Bottom line: Juwanna Mann is a drag - in every sense of the word.
Juwanna Mann
Starring Miguel A. Nunez Jr., Vivica A. Fox
Directed by Jesse Vaughan
Rated PG-13 (language, sex-related material)
Released by Warner Bros.
Running time 90 minutes
Sun Score: *