The world as you have known it will end tomorrow. Oh sure, astronomers say the close alignment of the sun, the moon and every visible planet from Mercury to Saturn in tomorrow's sky will have no noticeable effect on life on Earth.
But what do astronomers know?
Have they checked with author Richard Noone? His book, "5/5/2000 Ice: The Ultimate Disaster," says the combined gravitational pull of all those celestial bodies could put both coasts of the United States underwater.
He writes of cataclysmic shifts of the Earth's crust and movements of the polar ice caps. Or it could be tidal waves, winds topping 500 mph and earthquakes of an unheard-of 13 on the Richter scale.
You can look it up in his book, available from the Survival Center (survivalcenter.com). You can charge it, but they probably can't guarantee delivery before we're all destroyed.
It's not all doom and gloom among those attuned to the alignments of planets.
Someone who calls himself (or herself?) "Devin, 9D Head of the Glactic Federation's Nibiruan Council" (www.nibiruancouncil.com) has spoken up about tomorrow's alignment through a channeler called Jelaila.
Devin likens the alignment to "a dimensional hyperjump."
"Right now, Earth exists in the lower octaves of the fourth dimension. This planetary alignment serves as a gateway or portal through which those who are ready can move up more than one octave," Devin says.
"Those who are ready for this jump are the ones who have the light-est bodies due to intense emotional clearing. We see that many of you have been doing this so you will have company when you arrive at your new frequency."
But beware. The adjustment to your new frequency may have side effects, Devin says. These include, but are not limited to, "dizziness, flu-like symptoms and a red rash."
It's a busy time for channelers. The Archangel Michael has been channeled through someone named Ronna Herman (www.globalmedita tions.com/taurus2000.htm).
"Envision your Sun, Mercury, Venus, Earth and its moon, Jupiter and Saturn as they come together in alignment," Michael says through Ronna. "Now see a great beam of Light from the far reaches of the universe, a beam from the heart center of our blessed Mother God, move through each of these planets as it gathers the wondrous, positive attributes of each and then projects these combined frequencies down to each of you and into the core of the Earth."
This is a good thing, Michael says.
The Rev. Fred Sterling agrees (www.inwward.com/KIP3.html). Sterling says the "Great Shift of May 5, 2000" will change everything.
"This Shift will take the magnetic structures of the Earth plane and all planetary systems and align them to the Central Sun of the Universe," he writes.
For the uninitiated, he explains: "The Central Sun of the Universe is what we in the Guidance Realm call 'the Sun Energy' of all entity universes that collectively fall within the consciousness of the Creator cycle. The Creator cycle is the energy that has living pulsations for the possibility of evolution ..."
This, too, is a good thing, he assures us.
Scientists are less enthused, of course. They say the sun, the moon and five naked-eye planets will be grouped tomorrow within a 26-degree arc of the daytime sky. Unfortunately, they're all lost to view in the sun's glare.
These killjoys say it happens quite a lot. The same objects clustered within 17 degrees on Feb. 5, 1962. And they'll be back within 30 degrees on Sept. 9, 2040.
As for the stress on the Earth's crust from all those planets pulling in the same direction, well, the pocket-protector types claim they have that figured out, too.
Tidal expert Donald W. Olson of Southwest Texas State University ran it all through his computer and wrote about it in this month's Sky & Telescope magazine (sky pub.com/news/special/may52000.html).
He says the gravitational stress on the Earth's crust and oceans from tomorrow's planetary alignment is "undistinguished in its effects."
In fact, he says, the stresses were worse last Dec. 22 when the moon made its closest approach of the year to the Earth. And the big news then was how bright the moonlight would be.