If you've never taken a virtual spin around the online auction house eBay, you might not know that you can get a Mark McGwire signed baseball ($950), a pair of Moser candlesticks ($356), a Turkish rug ($250) or -- under "Miscellaneous: General" -- veteran TV host Bob Eubanks (just 1 cent).
"BOB IS THE MAN!!!!!" so goes the seller's description. "Buy Bob Eubanks and have him live with you. He's one groovy cat, I'll tell you! Just check him out in the far-out picture I've got posted. Is he the king of cool or what?!?!? How could you NOT bid on this item? Sorry, there's only one Bob so bid high and bid often, cuz once he's gone, he's gone. Free shipping."
With more than 4 million items up for bid, eBay can't possibly police all of its traffic -- making it the perfect target for wisecrackers like this would-be merchant.
Unfortunately for Bob fans, the aforementioned auction closed in August. But fortunately, this and dozens of other chuckle-inducing eBay pranks -- including the guy who tried to sell his soul recently -- have found a home on a quirky Web site called whattheheck.com (specifically, www.whattheheck. com/ebay/).
Whattheheck is not affiliated with eBay, but has compiled a hilarious file of bizarre, comical and just plain gross items that people (some of them spelling-challenged) have "really truly" tried to auction off. Among the offerings:
* Annoying little brother, $1.50.
* Irksome cat (throws up constantly), 1 cent.
* Your very own bobsled team (Olympic hopefuls), $3.6 million.
* Fairy dust (nontoxic), $1.75.
* Toenail clippings (freshly bitten off), $50.
* Hillbilly (plays the banjo, eats too much), 1 cent.
* Half-used tube of toothpaste, ("Keep your teeth nice and clean with this almost full tube of proven cavity fighting protection"), $1.
Not everything on the whattheheck.com site is appropriate for a family audience; toilet humor is prominent. On the other hand, if you steer clear of the questionable links, you'll find much hilarity here. You might even stumble onto something to buy, for instance:
"The Meaning of Life"
Current bid: $3.26
Description: "I have discovered the reason for our existence and will be happy to share this information with the highest bidder."
Pub Date: 03/19/00