History, wrote James Joyce, is "a nightmare from which I'm trying to awake." After reading these sentences from student papers collected by history teachers across the nation, you might understand why: "John Brown was a rabbit abolitionist."

"The president uses the old reliable veto power, and -- viola! -- no more bill."

"To suppress criticisms of his policies, President Adams passed the Alien and Sedation Acts."

"Jefferson sought to enlarge the boarders of the nation by expanding westward."

"Many people started to condom Hoover's policies."

"After Lincoln's election, the Southern states decided to succeed."

"The strength of their religious freedom helped them endure the interminal passage to the New World."

And finally, a truly "mixed" metaphor:

"We have already begun to battle the mixed salad mentality that eats away at America from the inside."