CATONSVILLE -- They will never pass this way again -- to quote the greatest band of all time, Seals & Crofts. But at Catonsville High School, they will always have these treasured high school moments.
Prom. Homecoming. Holding hands with the lanky guy in the St. Paul's Lacrosse jacket. He's a hottie, isn't he? Bouncing around the school halls, bouncing balls, bouncing off each other, bouncing clear out of slap-happy, slapped-down Youth. And 10, 20, 50 years from now they will think back to the night in the middle of March 1999. For on that day, high school history was made -- in the kitchen.
Catonsville High School held its fifth annual Edible Art Show this week. It was remarkable for many reasons -- the least of which is the fact this event occurred four times before and totally escaped our notice.
So, come, you adults who have forgotten what it's like to have a high school crush or how to make a sponge-cake Titanic sinking in a sea of ice blue Jell-O (with beef jerky for smoke stacks). Follow us into the school's cafeteria and into a more innocent time when love and life and Spam meant something true:
When we were in high school, our cafeteria was an assembly line featuring coagulated Tator Tots and kitchen help in hairnets and bad moods. Catonsville's cafeteria (a "Die Mensa" sign posted over one entrance) is a virtual food court. Coliseum-sized signs read, MARKET SQUARE and SNACK-N-DINE and THE BUSY BUTCHER. School mascot must be the Flanks or Gourds.
"The legs broke off in the car," says a teen-aged voice from somewhere. The legs? Oh, she's talking about "The Y2K Bug," an assembly of Italian flat bread, chocolate syrup, peanut butter and almonds. Clearly we are all doomed in 2000.
And in this corner of the food court, a "Field of Dreams" coconut cake starring chocolate baseball players such as "Shoeless" Joe Jackson. The cook, Nick Kinling, has jetted off to hang with friends. You know teen-agers; they never sit long enough to discuss, say, the sheer power of yeast. And where's Debbie Smith? Her "Tortilla Quilt" is lovely. Throw in a vat of margaritas and we have ourselves a party.
A trio of teens guard "The MoniCake," a birthday-cake looking cake. There's Monica's blue dress in blue icing and in Bill's mouth, a frosting cigar. The culinary accuracy is pinpoint. Who says kids don't follow current events?
Student-baker Amanda Dallatezza, 15, summed up the creative process behind "The MoniCake": "My mom told me to do it."
Over on the next table -- a "Couch Potato TV Dinner" crafted by a couple of art honors students who obviously have a future in gluing pasta legs to chairs of bread. Competing seniors Kim Wilford and Melissa Moore then drag us away from the Couch Potato to see what they spent the afternoon cooking up.
When we were in high school, we sold Christmas trees for the Student Council and sold candy bars to get the band uniforms that just screamed 1970s. When Kim and Melissa were in high school -- they'll be able to tell their kids -- they made an edible pile of you-know-what from dark chocolate and set it upon a bed of green dried coconut grass. It's a very hefty sample. "Probably was a moose," Melissa says.
Where are Kelsey Bannon and Dad? Name tag here says they made this ... this next entry. "Drawing Spams" is a tortilla with carrots, icing and two piles of Spam. Besides its winning appearance, the Spam will mutate into a different and equally disturbing Spam color as the evening wears on. (Clearly, Kelsey Bannon's Spam creation is a cry for help.)
At this point in the Edible Art Show, desire turns to the cafeteria's vending machine where a Milky Way hangs. But we must think of the kids, the youth of America with their Monster Trucks made from chocolate doughnuts and lacrosse sticks made of gingerbread and licorice. Plus, there are new friends to meet.
Jessica SeBour and her pals, Ellen Shapiro and Candice Titus, spent three hours spackling three bags of cheese curls to the body of the school's photography teacher, Carroll Cook. (When we were in high school, we didn't have a photography teacher.) Correction: "I just did the eyebrows," Jessica says.
"It's itchy," says the photography teacher, wandering about like a fluorescent orange Swamp Thing, as kids pick cheese off of him.
Speaking of tongue piercings, Candice has a dandy. And yes, it hurt. Jessica mentions a girlfriend whose tongue was so swollen from a piercing that she could only eat pizza after it had been in the blender. (Mercifully, pureed pizza is not an entry.) Speaking again of Jessica, she contributed an edible art ditty called "Tic Tac Toe."
The large toe made of pizza dough was baked in Jessica's place of employment, Papa John's. The toe didn't hold together, so Jessica smeared peanut butter on the sagging mass and then lined her entry with decorative red and green Tic Tacs. But just seeing the look of accomplishment in this young person's face was worth the $1 admission to the Edible Art Show. Just seeing all the entries -- from the "Cousin It" chocolate cake with spaghetti to a funky dish called "Mr. Hanky's Special Camp" -- made us feel young again.
So, we leave them now. But we'll always remember the chameleon Spam, "The MoniCake" and the poignant words of Catonsville High School student student Melissa Moore: Probably was a moose.
Pub Date: 3/20/99